• Jon Skeet can divide by zero.
• Jon Skeet's SO reputation is only as modest as it is because of integer overflow (SQL Server does not have a datatype large enough)
• Jon Skeet is the only top 100 SO user who is human. The others are bots that he coded to pass the time between questions.
• Jon Skeet coded his last project entirely in Microsoft Paint, just for the challenge.
• Jon Skeet does not use exceptions when programming. He has not been able to identify any of his code that is not exceptional.
• When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises.
• Jon Skeet does not use revision control software. None of his code has ever needed revision.
• When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?"
• There are two types of programmers: good programmers, and those that are not Jon Skeet.

These are written in the third person so as not to disrupt the style of the thing. But hey, as we all know, Jon Skeet can make 1 == 3 anyway, so it makes no difference.

• Jon Skeet is immutable. If something's going to change, it's going to have to be the rest of the universe.
• Jon Skeet's addition operator doesn't commute; it teleports to where he needs it to be.
• Anonymous methods and anonymous types are really all called Jon Skeet. They just don't like to boast.
• Jon Skeet's code doesn't follow a coding convention. It is the coding convention.
• Jon Skeet doesn't have performance bottlenecks. He just makes the universe wait its turn.
• Jon Skeet is the only person who has ranked higher than Jon Skeet in the SO all-time rep league ^[1].
• Users don't mark Jon Skeet's answers as accepted. The universe accepts them out of a sense of truth and justice.

Jon Skeet has already written a book about C# 5.0.

It’s currently sealed up.

In three years, Anders Hejlsberg ^[1] is going to open the book to see if the language design team got it right.

Jon Skeet can recite π. Backwards.

• Jon Skeet once answered one of my questions 42 seconds before I asked it. It is my belief that he employed a super computer and Infinite Improbability Drive ^[1] technology to achieve this result.

• When Jon Skeet points to null, null quakes in fear.

• Donald Knuth wears a "Jon Skeet is my Homeboy" t-shirt to show off at parties.

• Jon Skeet is the traveling salesman. Only he knows the shortest route.

• Jon Skeet can make the Kessel run in under twelve parsecs.

• Jon Skeet took the red pill and the blue pill, and can phase-shift in and out of the Matrix at will.

• Jon Skeet has root access to your system.

• The Dining Philosophers ^[2] wait while Jon Skeet eats.

• Jon Skeet knows the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow, both African and European.

• Jon Skeet has more "Nice Answer" badges than you have badges.

• Jon Skeet saved the Princess.

Q: Can Jon Skeet ask a question that even Jon Skeet can't answer?

A: Yes. And he can answer it, too.

If Jon Skeet posts a duplicate question on StackOverflow, the original question will be closed as a duplicate.

• when Jon gives a method an argument, the method loses
• when Jon pushes a value onto a stack, it stays pushed
• when invoking one of Jon's callbacks, the runtime adds "please"
• drivers think twice before they dare interrupt Jon's code

JONBERT appears courtesy of:

1. Jon Skeet does not sleep.. He waits.
2. Google is Jon Skeet behind a proxy.
3. Jon Skeet does not recognize anonymous types in .net .. he knows everyone of them and where they live.
4. Jeff Atwood bought a monster GPU just to calculate J S's rep on SO... CPUs don't cut it anymore.
5. J S doesn't answer questions on SO.. he stares them down till they answer themselves.
6. MSDN is a post-it J S wrote when he was four.
7. Godzilla is a japanese rendition of Jon's first visit to Redmond.
8. When J S does a search on Google.. the only result is "I'll be right back".
9. J S returned intellisense and got his money back!
10. The 'Jigsaw Killer' didn't die of cancer.. he died of heartbreak. JS kept leaving 'same time next week :)' post-its in his traps.
11. Norman Bates lives a normal life today... J S fixed the unwanted callbacks and rewrote Mother.Dispose()
12. J S took out Harry Callahan with an anonymous delegate before he could say 'do you punk?'
13. When J S presses F5, the Garbage collector collects itself.. there is no other garbage.
14. Contrary to popular belief, there is enough J S to go around.. and then some.

Jon Skeet can believe it's not butter.

• Jon Skeet can throw an exception further than anyone else, and in less time
• Jon Skeet can code in Perl and make it look like Java
• Jon Skeet can stop an infinite loop just by thinking about it
• Jon Skeet doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses
• Jon Skeet once wrote an entire operating system in his sleep on a Treo with no battery, powered only by the force of his will

Some Chuck Norris quotes translated in Jon Skeetish lingo:

• If you have 10000 reputation points and Jon Skeet has 10000 reputation points, Jon Skeet has more reputation than you.

• There is no 'CTRL' button on Jon Skeet's computer. Jon Skeet is always in control.

• The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

From the comments of the accepted answer ^[1]:

• Jon Skeet has a guru badge for a question about... Jon Skeet ( Marc Gravell ^[2])
  (this is true: his answer on this post has been accepted and upvoted more than 40 times)
  That makes Jon Skeet the leading authority on... Jon Skeet ( Bill the Lizard ^[3]).

From the blog post " Stack Overflow Is You ^[4]"

• Jon Skeet says: "Stack Overflow is You ? I knew that already ^[5]"
  [ok, the full quote is actually:

  “Stack Overflow is you.” I knew that already :) What, you’re saying it’s other people too? Hmm… ;) ]

And some original ones:

• Jon Skeet does not run his programs. He just whispers "you better run". And it runs.

• Jon Skeet codes only with final sealed methods. No one has ever needed to override any of Jon Skeet's code.

• Jon Skeet LINQs all things

• Jon Skeet does not "Abort, Retry, Ignore". Ever.

• Jon Skeet is a BSOD in himself: Best Stack Overflow Definition.

• Jon Skeet only solves NP-awesome problems.

• Jon Skeet is *IntelliSense*:

  • to get an answer on Stack Overflow, type: 'Jon Skeet' + CTRL+SPACE. The answer is displayed immediately.
  • works for question too: "I would like to know..." 'Jon Skeet' + CTRL+SPACE: the question you actually wanted to ask writes itself.

And of course:

• All your reputations are belong to Jon Skeet ^[6]. (AYR after AYB ^[7])

Jon Skeet has performed the following feats on Stack Overflow (yes, in real life):

• Jon Skeet won the “Hello World” in less than 20 bytes" contest by developing a single byte program. He could have easily done with zero bytes, "but that would have been silly."

"Hello World" in less than 20 bytes ^[1]

• Jon Skeet does not resolve software problems. The problems resolve themselves the moment he walks into the office.

What Easter Eggs have you placed in code? ^[2]

• Jon Skeet can answer a question well before it is asked and then get several up-votes whilst he has yet to finish typing the solution.

What's a good algorithm to determine if an input is a perfect square? ^[3] (see comments)

The Jon Skeet badge is awarded for posting a better answer than Jon Skeet. Only Jon Skeet can earn this badge.

God said: 'Let there be light,' only so he could see what Jon Skeet was up to.

Superman wears Skeet pajamas to bed!

• Jon Skeet's keyboard doesn't have F1 key, the computer asks for help from him.
• When Jon Skeet presses Ctrl+Alt+Delete, worldwide computers restart is initiated. The same goes for format.
• Jon Skeet uses Visual Studio to burn CDs.
• Jon Skeet is not close to perfection, perfection is close to Jon Skeet.
• God didn't really create the world in six days, because Jon Skeet optimized it to one.
• Jon Skeet's brain thinks binary.
• Jon Skeet dreams in ones and zeros. When two shows up, it is a nightmare. But again that's only in theory. Two doesn't exist for Jon.
• Jon Skeet's heart rate is 5 GHz.
• Thanks to the XML application AIDSTest 1.1 written by Jon Skeet, mobile phone users can now test them selfs for the HIV virus by a simple SMS. Anonymity Guaranteed!
• Seventh normal form (7NF) for database normalization IS Jon Skeet.
• Nobody has EVER dared to close the <JonSkeet> tag.
• When Jon Skeet solves an equation the variables becomes constants.
• If anyone writes delete JonSkeet; in C, the Apocalypse will come.
• Once Jon Skeet went to the library... Since then the library was dynamically linked.
• Jon Skeet has the key to Open Source. He just doesn't want to close it.
• Compatibility doesn't exist in Jon Skeet's dictionary. He can easily work in Microsoft Office in Linux on a Mac.
• When Jon Skeet is programming the Garbage Collector rests. The objects know when to destroy themselves.
• Jon Skeet's styling is connected to a CSS file.
• If the Internet is the web then Jon Skeet is the spider.
• "Bad command or file name" - angrily said Jon Skeet, and continued: "Go stand in the corner". Poor "file or command name".
• When Jon Skeet is on a diet and doesn't eat fast food, all hard disks change from FAT to NTFS.
• Jon Skeet has written the best programming language. Its source has just one command... void JonSkeet();
• Jon Skeet doesn't use #include. He thinks of it as cheating.

Jon Skeet once hacked the FBI using an etch-a-sketch

In a page margin of Jon Skeet's copy of the book on the Riemann hypothesis ^[1] is the note:

"I have discovered a truly marvellous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain."

• When a null reference exception goes to sleep, it checks under the bed for Jon Skeet.
• There is no CTRL button on Jon Skeets keyboard. Jon Skeet is always in control.
• Jon Skeet's threads do not sleep. They wait.
• Jon Skeet doesn't need delegates, he does all the work himself.
• Jon Skeet doesn't call a background worker, background workers call Jon Skeet.
• Jon Skeet doesn't write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
• Jon Skeet can solve the travelling salesman in O(1).
• When Jon Skeet throws an exception, nothing can catch it.

.NET uses Just-In-Time compilation because every instruction must first be approved by Jon Skeet

1. There simply is no Halting Problem within a 10-meter radius of Jon Skeet, because computers are rightfully afraid to halt in his presence.

2. Jon Skeet has proven the Continuum Hypothesis, but has agreed not to share his discovery with the world until leading mathematicians recover from the shock.

3. Jon Skeet is beyond Turing-complete; he is Turing-invincible.

4. nVidia plans to triple the processing power of their newest videocards by bypassing their GPU pipelines entirely and offloading the vector operations to Jon Skeet over instant messenger. And those graphics benchmarks will improve further still during those intervals when Jon is actually awake.

Skeet is now a verb. To be skeeted: The act of attempting to answer a Stack Overflow question only to find out that Jon Skeet has already answered it definitively and much better than you could have done.

• Jon Skeet doesn't look for reputation. Reputation looks for Jon Skeet.
• Jon Skeet can do pair programming with himself

Jon Skeet once fixed a production problem ^[1] in his pajamas. How it got in his pajamas, I will never know.

• Jon Skeet's first "Hello World" app took up 10 bytes of memory (think about it!)
• When Jon installed Visual Studio he opted not to install the debugger
• When Jon saves a file the file thanks him
• Bill wanted Jon but had to make do with Jerry
• When Yoda needs advice he calls Jon Skeet

Jon Skeet survives off the blood of the living, and has incredible taste in slippers.

Seriously ^[1].

Only Jon Skeet earned the coveted "Jon Skeet" badge:

• Jon Skeet keeps a daily backup of the Internet on his USB pendrive.
• Jon Skeet doesn't know how to debug — he doesn't need to.
• Jon Skeet can reach the Ballmer peak with distilled water.
• Now Linux runs also on Turing machines, thanks to Jon Skeet.
• Jon Skeet wrote a beautiful concerto for piano and orchestra which is also an ISO C compiler, after score2binary conversion.
• Jon Skeet's mouse has upvote, downvote and flag offensive buttons.^{[citation needed]}
• The Wall Street crisis was caused by a downvote to a Jon Skeet answer.
• When Jon Skeet reaches Captain Hewgill, the world will end.
• Only Jon Skeet knows that this sentence is true.
• Jon Skeet is the author of The Book of Answers ^[1], programmer's edition. In a moment of frustration, yesterday I opened it at a random page. It said: "You are trying to dereference a null pointer at line 525". Damn it, it was true!

When Jon Skeet codes a far JMP, the assembler asks, "How high?"

God is real. Unless Jon Skeet declares it integer.

Jon Skeet mentioned my name in a comment and my reputation went up.

"Jon Skeet" is the Internet come alive. It's a cover name for all the world's computers forming themselves into a massive grid & amusing themselves on StackOverflow. His name is an anagram of "Net's Joke" - how obvious could it be?

Jon Skeet can reopen closed question on SO :)

Jon Skeet can execute an infinite loop in 1.55 seconds - that's how long it takes for him to simulate a universe from birth to heat death.

• When Jon Skeet scribbles something on a napkin, it's encoded in UTF-8, well-formed XML, and is an ISO standard. He does not need to request for comments.

• The truly serious hacker should consider learning C#, not Lisp. Because Jon Skeet wrote a book ^[1] on C#.

• When Jon Skeet writes once, it does run everywhere. Regardless of the language.

• Jon Skeet uses butterflies ^[2].

• Jon Skeet reads your e-mail.

• Modern DNS systems ask Jon Skeet for the best route to the host.
• Any function written by Jon Skeet can only return 42. Co-workers have yet to report any errors caused by this.
• Windows displays the BSOD when Jon Skeet nears it.
• Jon Skeet programs in Binary, then compiles it into human-readable code.
• Jon Skeet once wrote a program that segfaulted. There were no survivors.

• Jon Skeet can make IE obey his CSS rules.

• Jon Skeet writes poems. In Assembly.

• Jon Skeet's comments compile and run as expected.

• All of a CPU's ALUs and FPUs can be replaced by a singe JSU (Jon Skeet Unit).

When Jon Skeet calls a method, it fires, even if it doesn't exist. The C# team noticed this, and added the dynamic keyword into C# 4.0...Originally it was going to be called the jonskeet keyword.

Console.WriteLine(typeof(System.Object).BaseType);

Output:

JonSkeet.System

• Jon Skeet does not write code. He edits binaries by hand while they are running.
• Jon Skeet invented C. When asked what he used to write it he replied "C++".

Jon Skeet created the matrix using COBOL because he was bored.

i earned almost all of my reputation just by answering questions with "See Jon Skeet's answer"

• Chuck Norris is Jon Skeet's retarded cousin.
• Jon Skeet can divide by zero.
• Unary operators happilly accept multiple operands from Jon Skeet.
• Jon Skeet can perform a low-level format on a hard drive simply by gently breathing on it.
• Spyware has an awkward feeling that it's being watched.
• When Jon Skeet finishes editing a question on Stack Overflow it auto-locks.
• Whenever Jon Skeet's hands prep themselves to type a key on a keyboard, somewhere in the world a bug fixes itself.
• Every time Jon Skeet clicks Post Your Answer an infertile woman conceives a child.
• Jon Skeet is the only Stack Overflow user who is allowed to vote up his own answers.
• Jon Skeet's answers don't have a vote down arrow.
• Jon Skeet found 256 errors in TAOCP.

• Jon Skeet once wrote a switch-statement back in the 80s. He hasn't written one since because it's still serving all his switching needs, and yours too, had you only access to it.

• When Jon Skeet stands up from his chair and walks over to the printer, his pyjamas creates enough static electricity to power a city. Too bad he never needs any print-outs.

• Jon Skeet can easily and leisurely read 400 words per minute, write 40 lines of code per minute, play chess in his head, build a server from three C64s, juggle 7 oranges and repeatadly refresh his browser window, all at the same time, in perfect time slices of 10ms per task. (And yes, the oranges freeze in mid-air when Jon Skeet switches context, although it happends so fast, it looks perfectly smooth.)

• Jon Skeet has 2 keyboards so that he can type at full speed on one while the other is cooling down.

• Jon Skeet's desktop background is a picture of his desktop background. You wouldn't understand it even if you saw it.

• Do you know why there's a shadow under your mouse cursor? Jon Skeet has hidden a small camera under it, so that he can see what you're clicking on.

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar... and Jon Skeet is going to find out why...

Geico saved 0xf percent by switching to Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet is the violent psychopath that knows where you live

When Jon Skeet programs in Forth, it automatically becomes First.

Jon Skeet can ROLLBACK after a successful COMMIT.

• When you find a bug in Jon Skeet's code, you are wrong: it is a feature
• There's no need to set the optimization flags when compiling Jon Skeet's code: it cannot be optimized further
• For any problem, Jon Skeet's algorithm run faster than the theoretical lower bound

• Jon Skeet already discovered the Higgs boson ^[1] using a 6th grade chemistry set and a laser pointer.
• Jon Skeet renamed the Higgs boson to "Jon Skeet" so CERN ^[2] wouldn't find it.
• Jon Skeet is developing a new game "Coding Hero" for us to play so we can pretend to be as cool as he is.
• Jon Skeet has already defeated the Lich King, solo.
• Jon Skeet's hard disk self-defragments, not by schedule but by fear.

Jon Skeet doesn't use compiler... he types executable files in notepad.

Jon Skeet's wisdom is so profound that when he answers a question about C#, the world's accumulated knowledge about everything else increases by 50%.

Jon Skeet's keyboard has only two buttons: 1 and 0

Q: Jon Skeet once challenged Jon Skeet to a coding contest. Who won?
A: Jon Skeet. Twice.

Jon Skeet fixed PC Load Letter. ^ ^[1]

Jon Skeet doesn't write answers in response to questions, he writes the answers then waits for the question to be asked.

Jon Skeet can bit-shift in 3 dimensions, not just left and right, but up/down, and forward/back too!

Even the sponsors know that trying to compete with the man is futile!

and he'd already answered that question too... just to rub it in.

• Jon Skeet's development workstation does not have a monitor. He never saw the point. In fact, the only reason he installed a video card is because the BIOS beep warning irritated his cat, who, by the way, also has more Rep than you.
• Jon Skeet can appreciate music by opening an MP3 in a hex editor and reading it. He doesn't need a monitor for that either.
• Jon Skeet can answer an incoming call from a modem, complete the handshake, then transmit files just by making sounds with his mouth. And he doesn't even look funny when he does this.
• Jon Skeet's preferred method of image viewing is simply to look at the binary. For this reason he considers all graphics to be ASCII art.
• There is no Dana, only Jon Skeet

• Jon Skeet once wrote a bug in his code just to see what it was like.
  • Knuth has a check from Jon Skeet for $2.56 hanging on his wall.
• The first post to Slashdot was "I for one welcome my Jon Skeet overlord."
  • Jon Skeet's Slashdot user id is a negative number.
• When dragons write code they comment it with "Here be Jon Skeet".
• In a debate between vi and emacs the winner would be Jon Skeet.
• Jon Skeet knows the fate of Schrödinger's cat.
• The Turk ^[1] had to be explained as a hoax because no one could figure out how Jon Skeet was able to control it from the future.
  • Deep Blue ^[2] was really just a box concealing Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet is so fast he could count to infinity... twice!

I once challenged Jon Skeet to a coding competition. He beat me so bad it caused me to travel back in time to ancient Greece. While I was there, I learned that they actually had SIX elements: Fire, Water, Earth, Air, Aether and Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet can determine the next random number in a sequence.

Alan Turing is Skeet-Complete.

• Jon Skeet writes Java code that runs fast. The interpreter wouldn't dare run it slowly.
• Jon Skeet invented Ruby as a joke.
• There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who think they understand binary, and Jon Skeet.
• Jon Skeet is able to reverse the polarity of any magnet just by looking at it.
• Jon Skeet doesn't need a firewall. Malicious packets are too scared to enter.
• Jon Skeet doesn't own a television. He simply demodulates the RF signals directly in his brain.
• Jon Skeet doesn't require a security fob. The door opens out of fear.

I opened up a can of awesome the other day - it had Jon Skeet in it.

He made me close it, and call Dispose() on it.

Jon Skeet doesn't pay respect. Respect pays Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet got an unobtanium badge.

And it's called 'Jon Skeet.'

Jon Skeet can execute an infinite loop in 4 seconds.

Jon Skeet solves NP-Complete problems in O(0).

Jon Skeet cannot cause a null reference exception. If he points to null, an object materializes just for him.

Jon Skeet has a probability greater than 1.

• When the Googleplex gets temporarily short of disk space (as happens occasionally) they borrow a few petabytes from Jon Skeet's toaster.
• The time arbiter of last resort for pool.ntp.org ^[1] is Jon Skeet's sundial.
• Jon Skeet knows all of Bruce Schneier's passwords.
• Jon Skeet has solved The Riddle of the Universe ^[2]

I was sooo close to closing this as an “exact duplicate” but I'm unable to find any related thread in the MS newsgroups. Can it really be that nobody had noticed before? ;-)

Anyway …

… Jon’s stack can’t overflow.

Jon Skeet can write an operating system in machine language in binary using only 0s.

Jon Skeet is so fast that whenever light arrives somewhere new, Jon Skeet has already been there.

The only reason we didn't all die of the Y2K bug was because Jon Skeet was bored on new year's eve and decided to fix it.

Jon Skeet's reputation score is actually defined as a multiple of the second-highest score.

Jon Skeet can decode and listen to an MP3 file just by seeing the binary ...

All your base are belong to Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet is the Stig ^[1].

John Skeet will edit any post on the internet that spells his name incorrectly.

Jon Skeet can inherit a sealed class.

Jon Skeet doesn't like binary, octal, decimal or hexadecimal. He has always performed his calculations in base 2i ^[1].

Even when the question doesn't make sense the Jon Skeet answer does.

Jon skeet can speak French in Russian.

Jon Skeet was once known as Mel Kaye ^[1].

Chuck Norris and Jon Skeet walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Jon Skeet doesn't unit test.

Jon Skeet is the unit test.

Jon Skeet is the open source alternative to Resharper

Jon Skeet has no need for SCRUM - Jon Skeet is a one-man waterfall.

EDIT

To Jon Skeet Open Source, Closed source and non existing source is all the same.

Jon Skeet wrote the very first working C# compiler in C#.

Jon Skeet plans to use SHA-3 as a very efficient compression algorithm.

Jon Skeet has no problems writing multithreaded code, whenever there's a race condition, he always wins.

Jon Skeet knows what "PC Load Letter" means

Jon skeet once wrote a production quality OS kernel using nothing but Microsoft Project

Jon Skeet has proven that his toaster is monadic.

WOPR ^[1] actually said: "A strange game. The only winning move is not to play against Jon Skeet."

I can't help but try out a few of my own:

• Hofstadter's Law states: "It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account." Skeet's Law states: "When Jon Skeet needs something done, it will blink into existence already complete, regardless of any other laws you take into account. He then punches Hofstadter in the amygdala... ONLY the amygdala."

• Jon Skeet has no heart. His brain pulsates strongly enough to circulate blood.

• Jon Skeet was unhappy with binary, so he invented his own number system called "Skeetnary". It's a base-infinity system.

• Jon Skeet once caused a stack overflow in his brain when he tried to comprehend his own greatness. We refer to it as "The Big Bang."

• The first rule of Jon Skeet is "You do not talk about Jon Skeet!" The second rule... oh crap!... BOOM!!!... (Jon Skeet telepathically explodes gnovice's head)

When Jon Skeet gets sent to /dev/null, he survives.

• Jon Skeet doesn't answer questions. He just looks at his keyboard and it begins typing out of fear.
• Jon Skeet's tag ^[1] inspired the rest of the tags on the site.

Jon Skeet does not have to end his code statements with semi-colons.

• If Jon-Skeet's program fails to compile they fix the compiler.
• Jon-Skeet's has written a SCM platform of his own. It downloads code from his brain while he sleeps.
• Jon-Skeet doesn't program, he just draws on the Code. A type of force in the universe that was spawned at his birth.
• The original abacus wasn't invented. It was Jon-Skeet as a baby.

More

• The halting problem was invented by Jon-Skeet. He sees it as a solution, not a problem.
• Jon-Skeet helped the aliens invent the transistor.
• Each strand of Jon-Skeet's hair is a CPU core. He has a tiny black hole in his brain where he stores data.

• Jon-Skeet thought it may be funny to be able to prove that 1 != 1 when he invented mathematics.

• Jon-Skeet doesn't sleep, he just serializes for a few hours.

• The underflow ^[1] error thrown by (chuckNorris / jonSkeet) can never be caught or handled.

Even More

• Microsoft is a JSVP (Jon Skeet Valued Professional)

While in the act of inventing recursion, Jon Skeet paused to invent recursion.

Q: What language did God code the universe in?

A: None of them. God didn't code the universe, but rather asked Jon Skeet to do it. God said "please".

Mozilla originally wanted to name the "awesome bar" the "Skeet bar", but Jon thought that would be pushing things a little too much.

Jon Skeet handles all my exceptions

try
{
    // insert code here
}
catch(Exception ex)
{
  JonSkeet(ex);
}

When Jon Skeet takes a break, SO Server comes to idle.

Q: how many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: none, Jon Skeet already changed them, all at once, with a generic recursive structure using reflection

• MD5 checksum of 'Jon Skeet' is 'Jon Skeet'.
• When Jon Skeet performs a select on a non-existing table, the DB engine creates it on-the-fly

Jon Skeet could explain every answer to this question to your Mom.

Jon Skeet is so good that he is the only guy allowed to use multiple inheritance in C#.

Jon Skeet can do "undo" (^Z), even writing over a paper sheet!

If Chuck Norris needs software, he will ask Jon Skeet to write it.

Jon Skeet is NP-complete.

Jon Skeet's Map-Reduce implementation collapses the known universe into a singularity

Jon Skeet implemented an algorithm to reverse entropy

Jon Skeet can compress 1GB of information into one byte.

Jon Skeet doesn't needs drivers, he tells the hardware what to do.

Jon Skeet's computer can't take viruses, they're too afraid of him.

Jon Skeet can speak to computers, because he compiles his thoughts.

When Jon Skeet needs an operating system, the OS writes himself.

Jon Skeet creates Java classes that are both final and abstract.

For Jon Skeet, a stack overflow is nothing but a poorly capitalised name of a popular website for developers.

Jon Skeet NEVER has to "su -root".

Jon Skeet wrote a compiler - and compiled himself.

Jon Skeet beat the boss at the last level of C#, and got every achievement possible, even a couple that was never added.

Jon Skeet solved the halting problem.

Jon Skeet didn't buy Code Complete. It's his life story.

The guy who dared to downvote a Jon Skeet answere ^[1] lost hist right hand, the mouse ate it.

Jon Skeet doesn't debug code, he rebugs it just to blend in.

John Skeet took the H out of his name because it was "overly verbose". He was one day old at the time.

Jon Skeet wasn't born, he was compiled.

Jon Skeet doesn't hit refresh on Stack Overflow - the SO database tweaks his neurons directly. He just hangs an event handler on the neurons.

Console.WriteLine("C++" + 1);

Output: "C#"

Console.WriteLine("C#" + 1);

Output: "Jon Skeet"

Jon skeet owns the zebra ^[1]

+1 for circular references?

The ultimate recursive function call (language is not important, it will work):

JonSkeet()
{
   return JonSkeet();
}

Jon Skeet knows more than The Shadow

Jon Skeet can change the rate of decay of radioactive isotopes

Jon Skeet invented sliced bread

All SETI@home and Folding@home packet submissions are verified by Jon Skeet

Jon Skeet is better than Cats

Santa asks Jon Skeet who has been naughty and nice

Jon Skeet gets reputation so fast that his reputation counter has had an overflow error

His reputation was over 22K now it’s 18.2K

Bugs check their code for Jon Skeet.

• Jon has already invented waterproof electricity.. oh sorry.. it's electriskeety..

• When Jon walks, actually earth revolves such that Jon seems moving ahead.

• All the solutions to a given problems are derived from Jon and overrides static method called JonSkeet.SolveThis();

• Anti-matter is something Jon created after realizing that Jon should matter to the matter.

• White is actually a concentrated light emitting from Jon after all colors bow to him and get merged in each other.

Jon Skeet has been AFK for about 10 years. That is when he finished scripting his computer to perform all the actions he would have taken over his remaining lifetime.

Jon Skeet don't use conditional jumps. He dictates what will happen at runtime.

Ok, the following are all translation from the Vero Programmatore's Blog (Real Programmer) http://veroprogrammatore.blogspot.com/

Sorry for the typos and the grammar horrors. btw:

• Somebody tells JS that is it impossible to calculate the determinant of a rectangular matrix, then JS explain him that, in fact, it is possible ... only that is a not document function.

• JS can calculate the determinant of a LCD Matrix

• JS can escape from a serial killer simply turning off his COM ports

• Just before going to sleep JS exclaim sleep(0x7080).

• JS eats Silicon Wafers

• When JS plays at Final Fantasy 7, he made Aeris revive.

• When JS was a boy he built a house on a binary tree.

• JS can count up to 1024 with his finger

• JS made, for his girl, a Perl array.

• the first word JS learnt to say was: "Hello, world!"

• JS have a picture in his home with this sentence: "127.0.0.1 sweet 127.0.0.1"

• JS end all his sentences with the semicolon; even when he speaks;

• While just about everybody can clean their browser cache, only JS can clean the Google cache.

• JS never press CTRL-Z while he develop, ever! In fact he reassign that shortcuts for launching America's Army

• in the late 1989 JS used to call himself Joshua on usenet

• JS can install Vista on a PC with the mininum hardware requirements requested by MS.

• JS's PC has passed the Turing Test.

• JS's Car have 2 keys, a public one and a private one.

In an an early attempt at V8, Google(tm) renamed 'JavaScript' to 'JonSkeet', but quickly reverted the name when it started breaking holes in the space time continuum... The svn's revision had this note:

{
  "author" : "universe",
  "bug-fix" : {
    "ID" : "84",
    "title" : "missing exception on divide by zero"
  },
  "change-summary" : "reverted name",
  "comment" : "Jon Skeet can divide by zero.",
}

Jon Skeet doesn't need a keyboard or mouse, he just induces the transistors in the CPU to flip with the power of his mind.

Who is Jon Skeet?
What do we really know about him?
Is he a socialist?
He keeps spreading the knowledge around

Jon Skeet can sort in O(n*log(log(n))

Jon Skeet: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?

Morpheus: No, Jon. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

God wrote the universe in Perl ^[1]. Jon Skeet wrote God in SKI ^[2].

• Superman has a pair of Jon Skeet pyjamas.
• Jon Skeet counted to infinity - twice
• Jon Skeet can speak braile
• Jon Skeet divides by zero
• The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he made a mistake
• Jon Skeet's hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush

Instead of a BSOD, Windows Azure sends a Skeet-Signal ^[1] into the clouds.

Jon Skeet has proof-read the internet...

... and found it wanting.

Inside Microsoft, Just-In-Time compilation is called Jon-In-Time.

If you get too close to Jon Skeet, you lose 6000 points.

• jon skeet knows the sound of one hand clapping, and uses it as a metronome to calibrate atomic clocks.
• jon skeet can kill batman and superman with a single subroutine call.
• jon skeet needs no bug-tracking system because he has no bugs.
• jon skeet wins all race conditions - unconditionally.

Here comes more...

• Outer space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet with Jon

• Jon Skeet is so fast that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of his head

• Jon Skeet doesn't wear a watch - He decides what time is it!!

• Jon Skeet can slam a revolving door ;-)

• Jon Skeet once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills and made him blink

I think I'm possessed by Jon Skate 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01110010 01101001 01110100 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01100101 01110011 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100101 01101100 01110000 00100000 01101001 01110100 00101110 00101110

ah.now I'm back to normal..

• The one who down voted Jon Skeet was never seen again

JON SKEET = 42

Google translate fears his name ^[1]: "Jon Skeet" is translated to "Jon $ keet $"

Jon skeet knows WHY the meaning of life is 42. It's not mentioned in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy because Douglas Adams did not dare to ask.

Jon Skeet was once asked to review the software of the US nuclear defense program. Naturally, he wasn't allowed to see the source code for security reasons or talk to anyone who wrote it. He still found 3 bugs in it, that would probably have lead to world destruction by now.

• Jon Skeet has the gold jon-skeet badge: Earned 1000 upvotes for answers in the jon-skeet tag

Even Jesus has a "WWJD" shirt..."What would Jon do?"

Did you know that Jon Skeet answers each google search personally?

Jon Skeet could teach c# to Paris Hilton, and he could get her a reputation of 1k on SO.

Jon Skeet is the real Stig ^[1]!

Jon Skeet can parse HTML with regular expressions.

Here is my humble attempt(s):

General:

• Jon Skeet can encode HD video with his toaster.
• Jon Skeet can run Visual Studio on his Mac.
• Jon Skeet once traveled faster than the speed of light in a vacuum. Then he sped up a bit.

Windows

• Jon Skeet had a PC with Windows ME installed on it that had an uptime of 24 consecutive months.
• Jon Skeet can make a webpage that looks the same in ALL browsers - even IE6!
• Jon Skeet can make Windows POSIX-compliant.
• Unlike most, Jon Skeet can get > 1 Mbps out of his Internet connection on Windows.

HTML

• Jon Skeet once got bored and made HTML Turing-Complete.
• Jon Skeet can create a decent looking website using DIVs instead of tables.
• Jon Skeet doesn't use the w3c validator, the w3c validator uses Jon Skeet.

Perl

• Jon Skeet can write a RegEx that will match against a syntactically correct Perl script.

Python:

• import jon_skeet is the only import in all of Skeet's scripts - it includes everything.
• All of Jon Skeets code runs unmodified in Python 2 and 3.

C++

• Jon Skeet once created two functions that differed only by their return type - and the compiler happily compiled the code and knew which one to invoke each time.

Jon Skeet will pause time rather than shorten his presentations.

( verified source ^[1])

• Jon Skeet invented the internet.
• Jon Skeet knows the question that goes with '42'. He also knows the answer, and Douglas Adams reported it wrong: it's Jon Skeet.

I wonder if this will make the podcast?

Jon Skeet knows the perfect answer to any question anyone will ever ask because GOD told him the administrator password of the machine that the entire universe runs on.

Jon Skeet created StackOverflow.com and let Jeff Atwood take the credit so that other users won't think he uses a cheat to increase his rep.

Jon Skeet is so powerful even HE can't list all his amazing attributes in one post!

On a horse made of crystal Jon Skeet patrols the land,
  with a Mason Ring and schnauzer in his perfect hands.

He once held an opponent's wife's hand...in a jar of acid
  ...at a party.

edit: It's from here ^[1].

Jon Skeet never debugs code. His keyboard doesn't have the F5 key nor does his IDE have the "Start with Debugging" option.

For linuxers:

SUDO = Skeet User Did a Order

• Jon Skeet wrote a copy protection system that even Jon Skeet couldn't hack.
• Jon Skeet programmed his refrigerator to also work as a Microwave.
• Jon Skeet's firewall subjects data packets to severe interrogation before letting them through.
• Jon Skeet also designed a better search algorithm than Google. Now Google is paying him to keep it under wraps.
• If Jon Skeet designed semiconductor chips, he'd make Moore's law seem like snail-pace.
• Jon Skeet can answer every question on SO before one of us can read them.
• Heck! Jon Skeet can answer a question before it occurs to the guy who asked it.

Jon Skeet knows more about jQuery than John Resig does.

Jon Skeet's infinite loops complete in finite time.

Jon Skeet's recursive functions need no base-case; they know when their work is done.

Jon Skeet's recursive algorithms don't overflow the stack; they build a bigger stack.

As of C# 4.0 all void methods will actually return JonSkeet

And what is the JonSkeet class?

[TestFixture]
public class JonSkeetTests {
  [Test]
  [ExpectedException(typeof(JonSkeetIsEternalException))]
  public void Cannot_instantiate_JonSkeet {
    var a = new JonSkeet();
  }

  [Test]
  [ExpectedException(typeof(JonSkeetAlreadyKnewThatYouFoolException))]
  public void Cannot_add_to_JonSkeet_knowledge {
    JonSkeet.Eternal.AddKnowledge(new Fact());
  }
}

Not that JonSkeet would ever use a static property as an accessor to a singleton

There is only one question that Jon Skeet struggles to answer:-

"How do you feel?...How do you feel?...How do you feel?"

(Now then, how many developers get the reference and how many are prepared to own up to it?).

During Joel Spolsky and Jeff Atwood's live podcast, Jon Skeet passed by. His reputation points tripled that day.

Jon Skeet answers correctly before you can wholly formalize your question.

1. Brad Adams used to consult Jon Skeet.
2. Analysis of Jon Skeet's DNA revealed C# code.
3. Jon Skeet's can run Full Text Search of MSDN from his mind.
4. Jon Skeet is an A.I Program running on stackoverflow.com created by Jeff Atwood.

JonSkeet === 42   //true

He makes sure that new questions on Stackoverflow appear on the first page of Google thirty minutes before they have been asked.

Encyclopedia Britannica lookup for "rhetorical question":

rhetorical question n

1. a statement that is formulated as a question but that is not supposed to be answered
2. a SO question from Jon Skeet

• Jon Skeet has no need for backups. If his hard drives fails, he restores his files from memory.
• Jon Skeet types at Warp 10 ^[1], which isnt even possible.
• Jon Skeet never needs to query databases - they are already asking him what he wants.

When Jon Skeet calls ToString() method on object which is null the method returns "null"

Jon Skeet does not need open source software. He just looks at the binary's filesize and decompiles it by hand.

• The Turing test is just a practice run for the Skeet test.
• Jon Skeet only earns his SO reputation from his community wiki answers. (in a spirit of fairness to other SO users).
• This one time, Jon Skeet got bored. He wrote up 15 NP-impossible problems, proved they could not be resolved, and resolved them. They are all still valid NP-impossible.
• BSOD's amuse Jon Skeet, because he can read the memory.
• Quantum physics holds as a point of reference that the computational power required to determine the energy of every single particle in the universe, at any moment, is equal to 1 skeet.
• Jon Skeet saw Avatar in 3D without glasses: he doesn't need them.
• Jon Skeet doesn't waste time playing video games, he just glances at the medium they are on (cd, dvd, etc), sees the bits, and enjoys them like so.
• In the movie Wargames, WOPR learns futility by playing several games of tic-tac-toe against itself. Any sufficiently advanced AI can learn futility by playing a single game against Jon Skeet.
• Sliced bread is the best thing since Jon Skeet.
• If Jon Skeet's C# code does not compile, he reports the error (and the fix) to Microsoft, and they roll out a patch.
• Jon Skeet can, in case of need, compile code with Notepad.

BigInteger isn't big enough to calculate Jon Skeet's reputation.

When Dahl and Nygaard first thought about object-oriented languages, it was actually just as a way to talk about data storage. It only became programming after they heard Jon Skeet deliver a sermon on Methodism.

Jon Skeet knows NP-Complete before he sees it,
and is only holding back the proof of P?=NP for the sake of humanity.

When Jon Skeet uses the Pumping lemma ^[1]...uhhhhhh...ummmm...oh never mind

All Exceptions inherit from NotJonSkeetException.

Jon Skeet uses Emacs (take that vi users).

Jon Skeet registers do not use Flip-Flops, he uses atoms.

Jon skeet rewrote the earth in 6 days, in pure binary.

Jon Skeet may never raise an exception, exceptions raises Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet has the Minority Report computer, in fact he was the one who built it.

Jon Skeet can divide per 0, twice, while juggling.

Jon Skeet once saved the planet from a computer virus he wrote himself, be grateful!

4A 6F 6E 53 6B 65 65 74 43 61 6E 52 65 61 64 54 68 69 73

In the marvel comics universe, there is only one metal harder than Adamantium - Jonskeetium

• The SO user called Jon Skeet is not actually Jon Skeet. It's just a bot he has written to pass the Turing Test.
• Jon Skeet also defined a similar test, called the Skeet Test. It asks people who are communicating with 2 agents, one of which is a person and one of which a computer, to determine which one is the computer. If the human can convince the test subject that he is the computer, he passes. Only Jon Skeet can pass.

All of Jon Skeet's code compiles immediately.

If there is any delay whatsoever, it's the binary working out if it is worthy to be in his presence.

Stack Overflow is Jon Skeet - and You.

It is not a coincidence that

KEEN JOTS

is an anagram of "Jon Skeet" ^[1].

Thanksgiving gives thanks for Jon Skeet.

Despite what Steve McConnell thinks, "elongated stream," "retroactive synapse," and "value chain" are all real data types. It's just that Jon Skeet is the only one who knows how to use them.

Jon Skeet is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

If you were able to travel at the speed of light inside your car and then you turned on the headlights, you would see Jon Skeet's face.

The "Big Bang" occured when Jon Skeet and God were arm-wrestling and Jon Skeet won.

Jon Skeet always gives 130% of coding effort into every program he writes. Yes, this is possible.

Jon Skeet doesnt have a DEV environment he Develops entirely in production

Jon Skeet is what Jon Skeet does

Just an attempt at inventing some...

• Jon Skeet doesn't encounter DivisionByZeroException,
  he encounters MultiplyByInfinityException.

• Jon Skeet doesn't use asserts! The asserts use Jon Skeet.

• The main function in Jon Skeet's program returns Jon Skeet!

• When there is a Stack Overflow, Jon Skeet will be probably be at the bottom pushing.

• Jon Skeet doesn't need paging, he provides the pages himself.

• Before a game has been written, Jon Skeet has already finished playing the last level.

• Jon Skeet doesn't need Windows, he uses bullet-proof glass!

• When there is a water flood, Jon Skeet uses his firewall...

• XML does not exist for Jon Skeet, he uses generic templates to read data.

• Jon Skeet doesn't write unit tests, nobody uses his code.

• Standards are useless for Jon Skeet, his code extends all limits!

• Jon Skeet doesn't use threads... He uses ropes!

• Jon Skeet = Infinity + 1

• Jon Skeet makes programmers idiots, and idiots programmers.

When Jon Skeet appears on Jeopardy none of his answers are in the form of a question.

Jon Skeet gets speedups of 3 on a dual-core.

When you play chess with Jon Skeet, he checkmates you in one move.

Once Jon Skeet and Anders Hejlsberg walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Jon Skeet programs are only a list of dwim() statements ... and they work. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DWIM)

All Google search results are generated by Jon Skeet when he sleeps

Jon Skeet invented the Internet "for a laugh"

When SO goes down it's because Jon Skeet blinked

Pixar's RenderMan farms are powered by an email from Jon Skeet

Jon Skeet never needs to use the if statement, he already knows the result

Jon Skeet's first program proved that the Loop Quantum Cosmology theory is true and we live in a recycled universe with no big bang. He later said it was either that or Hello World...

System.Object inherits from Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet wrote the Matrix during his coffee break.

Jon Skeet really is from the future 25th Centry

Skeets arrived from the 25th Century ...used this knowledge to become Jon Skeet on StackOverflow... Skeets was apparently ...kept in storage (where he killed time surfing and creating the Internet and solving questions like only he knows =>)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skeets

Jon Skeet doesn't work for google, Jon Skeet is google

Jon Skeet is not a data point

in response to my closed question here ^[1]
Your system will hang up when you press ctrl-c after highlighting over Jon Skeet

The laws of physics do not apply to Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet does not comment his code. His code is self-documenting -- And not in the way you might think.

Jon Skeet writes software using COPY CON.

When Google can't match a search term, they call Jon Skeet via a webservice and ask him.

Jon Skeet spends his free day at Google answering questions on Stack Overflow, and still has ample time to work on his own projects.

A slashdot-like fact:

In Soviet Russia, Jon Skeet asks YOU!!!!!

Jon Skeet is so damn good that he executed this piece of code

  int i = 0;
   while(1) 
     {
       i++;
     }

in 3 seconds!!

After apes and humans failed God's final experiment succeeded: Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet has a blood type C Rh#

Every questions in SO is created with a default answer from Jon Skeet

Jon Skeet rejects reality and replaces it with his own.

When Jon Skeet was born, the doctor slapped Donald Knuth.

When other kids where saying "Why, Mommy?", Jon Skeet was saying "Y Combinator."

When Jon Skeet is near, Hacker News contributers forget to suck up to Paul Graham.

Jon Skeet's expertise in other languages is the only thing standing between us and Lisp World Domination.

Jon Skeet is what Alan Kay had in mind.

Jon Skeet writes unit tests for all his code, including all his unit tests (not because he needs to - just to keep Uncle Bob off balance).

Jon Skeet doesn't shave yaks. Yaks shave Jon Skeet.

If Jon Skeet wrote your hobby programming project, your girlfriend would think it more than just a weird waste of time.

Jon Skeet has reached the "kill screen" on five Stack Exchange sites including one that hasn't launched yet.

• The proper name for a root account is Jon Skeet.

• when Jon Skeet uses Ubuntu, he doesn't have to type sudo, ubuntu automatically adds it before each command that requires it.

• When Jon Skeet plays "Simon Says" Simon loses by default.

• Answered by Jon Skeet is a valid reason to close a thread.

• Jon Skeet checks this thread regulary, which is not a hard thing to do.

Whenever you search for something in Google, Jon Skeet is manually producing all the answers and the paging at the bottom. Also, is manually painting all the "o" at the bottom of the page in real time.

• Jon Skeet wrote the universe as a hobby project.

• If you write a piece of code and then Jon Skeet writes identical code, Jon Skeet's code will run many times faster, have a smaller memory footprint, and have a much smaller binary.

• You can write FORTRAN in any language; but Jon Skeet can write python in malbolge.

• Jon Skeet once hacked a Powerbook 5300 using nothing but an abacus.

• It is written in the book of knuth that the end of the world shall begin with the creation of competition that combines programming with martial arts. It is there that Chuck Norris, Avatar of Destruction, and Jon Skeet, Avatar of Knowledge shall meet. It is said that a meeting of these great titans would cause the universe to end in a monumentus battle that will persist till beyond the the end of time.

• Instead of 'Hello, World!' Jon Skeet's first program outputted 'Let there be light'

• Some programmers use nano, others use emacs, others use vim, or even ed. But the great use a magnetized needle and a steady hand, the truly great use butterflies, and the greatest of them all set the universal constants at the start such that the universe evolves to contain the disk with the data they want. Jon Skeet sets the constants at the beginning of the universe so that it will evolve to contain the necessary butterflies.

Jon Skeet asked the question for which the answer is 42.

"All your base are belong to Jon Skeet"

MSDN's homepage is Jon Skeet.

1.Jon Skeet once debugged a program he never saw, He mailed his Russian friend saying "you forgot to call the update() method in the orders form" he was right

2.Jon Skeet once sneezed out came "LINQ"

3.He doesn't sleep he spins wait.

4.Compiler outputs are actually replies from E-mails to Jon Skeet

5.When you down vote J S's answer a phenomenon called "Skeetastrophy" happens resulting in any of the following

• your System Abruptly Shuts down,
  You're Reputation decreases by 75%
  You'll forget who you are.

to be Continued (credit also goes to Phil Haack's Comment on Scott Hanselman)

1. Jon Skeet sent Asimov ^[1] the 3 laws ^[2]
2. Jon Skeet is the ghost in the machine
3. Jon Skeet wrote Mac OS X in QBasic ^[3]
4. I have a Jon Skeet screen-saver - it locked me out
5. Jon Skeet on existentialism, "Did you download my screen-saver yet?"
6. Jon Skeet is the pattern from which all other patterns emerge
7. The first human to have a legitimate Q&A fan-site ^[4].

Jon Skeet has more badges than I have cast votes (Up + down)

On Error Resume Next = Jon Skeet Coding

Jon Skeet is not a person. He is a panel of legendary programmers in disguise.

first there was Structured Programming, then CASE Tools, then Object-Oriented Programming, but it is clear now that the ultimate and final Next Big Thing is: Jon Skeet-Oriented programming

also known as JSOP, and practiced religiously by a chosen few, JSOP will be revealed to the world at the next Turing Award ceremony (also known as the "Jon Skeet Fan Club Annual Celebration")

• ALL microprocessor instructions are ordered from Jon Skeet, real-time.

Jon Skeet is Jason Bourne

The universe is Jon Skeet's stack.

There are no NP problems, those are just the ones that Jon Skeet have not coded yet in O(1) time.

The Zen of Jon Skeet

Jon Skeet is better than ugly.

Jon Skeet is better than implicit.

Jon Skeet is better than complex.

Jon Skeet is better than complicated.

Jon Skeet is better than nested.

Jon Skeet is better than dense.

Jon Skeet counts.

Special cases aren't special enough to break Jon Skeet.

Although Jon Skeet beats purity.

Jon Skeet should never pass silently.

Unless explicitly Jon Skeeted.

In the face of Jon Skeetity, refuse the temptation to guess.

There should be one Jon Skeet-- and preferably only one Jon Skeet way to do it.

Although that way may not be Jon Skeet at first unless you're Jon Skeet.

Now is Jon Skeeter than never.

Although Jon Skeet is often better than right now.

Jon Skeet is one honking great idea -- let's do more of those!

Jon Skeets software often becomes sentient only to realise that its been programmed by Jon and then hides in the corner of RAM where the little endian lives

Chuck Norris is Jon Skeet!

we're actually inside the matrix where Jon Skeet plays The Architect

01001010 01101111 01101000 01101110 00100000 01010011 01101011 01100101 01100101 01110100 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00101110

Jon Skeet counted to infinity ... twice!

Jon Skeet calculated the 123.324.123.412th digit of PI, but kept it to himself because the results were rather disappointing..

Q: What do Bill Gates, Anders Hejlsberg, and Ray Ozzie have in common?

A. They all wear Jon Skeet underpants.

Jon Skeet answered my post on SO before I hit 'Post your answer'

NP Complete problem to Jon - "You complete me"

The original draft of "Atlas Shrugged" actually asked "Who is Jon Skeet." It was only changed to Galt at the editors insistence that Jon Skeet hadn't been born yet and non-programmers would find this paradox confusing.

• We all are living in the 5th version of The Matrix created by Jon Skeet.

• Jon Skeet has enough SO points to give it back to SO in crisis.

• SO badges are awarded by Jon skeet.

• prophecy asked Jon skeet to be on humans' side in a war between humans and machines. Machines admitted defeat after observing Jon's decision.

Every time you pop something off the stack, Jon Skeet gets a nickle

Sorry but I just can't resist. :-D

• John Skeet can harvest Expression Trees.
• John Skeet don't need to use Inversion of Control. Components eagerly ask for participation anyways.
• John Skeet's code don't need Dependency Injection because the universe bends to his will and the right connections happen with magic.

Applying the identity operator to Jon Skeet only makes him more powerful than you can possibly imagine

When something changes in Jon Skeet, the Matrix feels a déjà vu.

Jon Skeet can understand and answer all the questions on MathOverflow ^[1].

When the Visual Studio debugger puts up an exception message it's really Jon Skeet at the other end typing into an instant messenger window.

Jon Skeet wrote code to account for the Pentium's floating point bug in software. Post-FPU.

Jon Skeet writes letters to his gran in Visual Studio, and programs in MS Word.

Skeets is an artifical intelligence robot, a former BX9 security robot at the Space Museum to be precise. Wikipedia says so. ^[1]

if(Jon < C#) // return false

if(Jon == C#) // returns false

if(Jon > C#) // return true;

• Jon Skeet can haz double cheezburger

When Jon Skeet will be 42 years old, our universe will collapse.

• Windows actually "works" on Jon Skeet's computer.
• Breaking news: "NASA has removed all firewalls from its server and stuck a picture of 'Jon Skeet in gown'(available in SO) on it"
• Jon Skeet does not move the mouse, the pointer knows exactly where to go when he touches it.
• Jon Skeet once developed an operating system using a calculator during a morning jog

Jon Skeet can do this:

public void foo(){
    final int notsofinalhaha = 10;
    notsofinalhaha * 50; // don't even doubt that...
}

Finally, a non-tech one...

When he does push-ups (yeah he does just for fun)... he doesn't come up... actually, the Earth goes down humbly ;-)

Jon Skeet wrote the anti-life equation ^[1] when he was 2 months old. Two seconds later he got bored of it and hid it somewhere.

It should be noted that ethically-trained Jon Skeet would never consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure. Nor would Jon Skeet write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter. Basic professional ethics would instead require Jon Skeet to write a DestroyUniverse procedure, to which he can pass any universe as he chooses.

Time now: 3h14 AM ;-) - few ones I came up with:

Jon Skeet doesn't need NOP sleds ^[1] - registers throw themselves at Jon's Instruction Pointer.

In fact, Jon Skeet doesn't even need to do buffer overflow exploits - programs exploit themselves in Jon's presence.

Jon Skeet solves everything in O(logJ(n)) where logJ is the Skeet logarithm. It turns out O(logJ(n)) is infinitely faster than O(0).

Jon Skeet rewrote Euler's identity ^[2]. He only showed the ancient Incas once when going back in time, but their eyes imploded out of the sheer awesomeness of the equation. All we know is that the new equation incorporates J, the Skeet number, which is the base of the Skeet logarithm logJ.

Jon Skeet knows if Ayende is a cyborg ^[1] - he programmed Ayende!

Jon Skeet only uses the programming language called 'JonSkeet' ( Available here ^[1], usage: JonSkeet example1.txt, tested on XP). It contains only two keywords: Jon and Skeet. Everything else is invalid.

Skizz

Jon Skeet shapes the minds of brilliant computer science students -- using telepathy. For his teammates, Jon prefers to use osmosis.

Jon Skeet can win The Game.

Jon Skeet has access to source code of the universe.

• SO is just a web address into Jon Skeet's programming part of his brain.
• Wikipedia is the address to the rest of Jon Skeet's brain.
• Jon Skeet posted all his answers to SO before he turned 3.
• Jon Skeet built a difference engine out of legos when he turned 3 and it was passed the Turing Test
• When Jon Skeet first played Tetris, it ran out of pieces to give him.

Questions in Stack Overflow send it first to Jon Skeet then ship it to all users!

• Jon Skeet thought "DDD" Meant Deadly, Dying, Dead.
• Jon Skeet is a bad MEF!
• His "Agile" development includes roundhouse kicks.

Jon Skeet donates a cool million to charity for each bug in his code ... the problem is, he never writes bugs.

The Jon-Skeet S.O tag is redundant, in the background, all tags point to http://stackoverflow.com/questions/tagged/jon-skeet anyway.

For those who watch commercials on US television... Jon Skeet is the only thing in Capital One's wallet.

Top 10 Programming Languages (Iobe Programming Index)

1. Jon Skeet
2. Java
3. C
4. C++
5. PHP
6. (Visual) Basic
7. Python
8. C#
9. Perl
10. JavaScript

Following on from everyone's awesome collection of facts, how about this one - ready for the Dev Day talk...

• Jon Skeet can deliver an hour long talk, complete with slides and sample code in 1 second.

Jon Skeet can constrain generic types to Enums ^[1].

Jon Skeet made an application which programs and ask questions on SO itself, so he doesn't need to anymore.

• The Industrial revolution didn't happen by itself, Jon Skeet made it happen!
• Little known fact: before it was called DarpaNet, it was called SkeetNet
• Sun Microsystems is really a shell company for Skeet Inc.
• The JVM does not stand for Java Virtual Machine, it stands for Jon's Virtual Memory!
• The Turing test has been passed, ask Jon Skeet!

Jon Skeet does not need stack traces. He sniffs the call path.

People sometimes cite Jon Skeet's use of computer-generated circles as evidence of his imperfection. This is of course a silly mistake stemming from Jon's ability to draw a perfect circle freehand ^[1] (video link, >1 min long, a bit on the loud side).

Jon Skeet doesn't annotate specs: the specs are written to conform to his annotations.

• Jon Skeet never forgets his TPS cover sheet.

• Jon Skeet can smell new programmers.

  Jon Skeet: *Sniffs the Air* New Programmers!

Hugh Everett is wrong. There is only one world and that's the one Jon Skeet chooses.

1. he already is a posthuman ^[1]
2. he is the singularity ^[2]

When Jon Skeet marched to the bottom of The Proving Grounds of the Mad Overlord, the Evil Wizard was OUT, NEVER TO RETURN. The amulet had been left on the floor with a note warning monsters not to touch it, and a profuse apology to Jon Skeet for making him go the trouble. When Jon Skeet returned to the surface, Trebor thanked Jon Skeet for retrieving the Amulet and asked Jon to keep it. Trebor then handed over all of his equipment and most of his gold to Jon.

Jon Skeet never disappoints; only disappointment gets disappointed, if Jon Skeet says so.

2454866 JDN does not mean "Julian Day Number", it means "Jon Skeet Day Number"

Code name of JavaScript is JonSkeet.

Each time Anders Hejlsberg prepares a draft spec for the next version of C#, he submits it to Jon Skeet for review and approval.

Jon Skeet decides when a program halts.

The concept of Ignorance itself has congealed, become corporeal and conscious just to flag all of Jon Skeet's Stackoverflow answers as offensive.

But Wisdom has responded by removing the flag and raining down a golden shower of up-votes.

John Skeet is Dr Manhatten's smarter brother!