No person should have a job that causes them to have panic attacks. "Stress leave" is a bad sign, because it's the kind of stress that leads to withdrawal and depression. Get out as soon as you can. There are better jobs out there.

You say that money is a big concern and is the reason you haven't quit your job yet. Listen up: money represents three things: a roof over your head, food on your table, and stuff in your house. The first two are vital: if you quit your job, will you have a roof and food for at least a month?

Pay your rent/mortgage forward at least a month. Pay the necessary utilities: electric, water, heating. Take a week off to decompress, then go on the job hunt.

Don't have enough money to pay the necessities while on the job hunt? Then take a look at your stuff. I don't know what you have in your home, but do you need it all? Would you rather have a big screen TV or your sanity? Video games or eventual suicide? Cut back on your expenses. Ditch the cable TV, cell phone, high speed internet -- that's probably $200/mo right there.

I've been there. One of my first jobs nearly cost me my life. Terrible boss, stressful days, bad marriage, etc. I nearly ended it all. But I quit that job and got better.

My point is, if money is a concern, cut back (waay back) on the luxuries so you can focus on getting a better outlook. Go for walks or runs; they'll cheer you up. Take a class at a community college; you'll meet new people.

Don't worry about money. No matter what career you end up in, the money will come and you'll adjust your lifestyle to match it. I switched careers eight years ago, took a 50% pay cut... and have been happier, had more disposable income, and more free time since. Neat how it works that way, eh?

It seems to me you are stuck in seeing only the negative aspects of your situation but in actual fact from looking at your activity on SO and at your blog you have a lot of positives.

You hate your job - try to get out as soon as possible on your own terms - put your CV together - apply to jobs that look interesting to you in the technologies you would like to use but keep an open mind.

Here are some of the positives that I see :

1. Single-handedly driven the QA team / solely responsible for testing significant amount of work

2. Significant experience on a migration project (Mainframe to HP-UX if I'm not mistaken). Look out for jobs involved in similar projects of COBOL to .NET for example

3. Adaptability / Flexibility - you've shown you are able to learn different technologies as needed on the job

4. Experience of testing, deployment and support (try to identify what you have learned from these positions)

5. 2 years + experience - not bad - there are many companies who will employ people with less experience than that

6. You're 23 ? - your are NOT terribly behind - I was 25 when I got my first development job !

7. You have an inquiring mind - you're trying to improve your computing knowledge- new concepts such as Algorithms etc..

8. You write well - I've read some of your blog entries - they are well written

9. Hey - and you're moving in with your girlfriend (a little secret - many programmers don't even have a girlfriend !)

Be positive. Try to identify all the positive aspects. If there are negatives try to use the positive out of it. I.e. at least it helps you define what you don't want to do.

Good luck.

That sounds pretty rough. I have been in a similar boat with my previous job, and was also at the stage of thinking about switching careers. However, development is what I love, and I had to make a decision to look for greener pastures. In your situation, being stuck in QA sounds like it is far from what you are actually wanting to do, but it might count in your favour (if you can test it, you will hopefully know what to look for when you build it).

I would say your career is well worth salvaging (as you still seem to want to be a developer), but you need to put some focus into developing your desired core skill set (which sounds like programming in C# / .NET languages). A good thing to do (although I know it is probably the last thing you want to hear at this stage, is to work on a simple portfolio of applications after hours which can help display your skills, as well as further train them. You can include everything from simple TCP / UDP networking, WCF, to GUI (Winforms, Web front ends and WPF). Try and build up your experience, as well as having something to show at potential interviews.

Which brings us to our next point. Interviews. Get them, go to as many as you can, get your name out there. Become familiar with the types of questions they are asking. Be honest with them, tell them your current skills, and what you are looking for. If they ask questions that you don't know the answers to, say "I don't know". But make a note of that question and research it when you get home (it will probably be asked by more than one potential employer, so it helps to be familiar with what they are looking for).

But most importantly, get out of that environment. Work doesn't have to be hell. Maybe I am just lucky, but I love my job, and my employers understand that developers are people too. Good luck, but I think if it happened to me, it can happen to you.

I think you can salvage your career.

What you need to do is get some C# experience under your belt. Perhaps write a program to show what you can do (for example, a photo organising program or something). Either give it away or sell it, but make it available on the Internet. It doesn't have to be a big program, just big enough to show some basic concepts, for example:

• I/O ^[1]
• error handling
• using the MSI install system ^[2]
• GUI design

Once you have written the program, apply for a junior level C# developer jobs. You will be able to use your program to show you have a basic understanding of the language.

What you need to do is get to an interview, and explain that you want to head in this direction. Let the interviewer know that you are enthusiastic. Make sure you come across as keen, not desperate.

You already have some development experience, which is a big plus.

So yes, you can salvage your career. I jumped across from network/desktop support to C#/VB.NET development. :)

You need to do what you love.

It's good that you're pursuing help with your difficulties.. Stack Overflow can offer you perspective on the programming career, but be sure that you continue to turn to your family, friends, and professionals for help.

rally25rs is right - don't start to doubt yourself. For what it's worth - I have not tertiary education. I starting teaching myself to code when I was in Grade 7 and now, 22 years later I'm a CTO and head developer.

The trick is, in my opinion, twofold

1. You have to enjoy coding. I've hired developers with University CS degrees who had no passion for the field and most of them turned out to be useless.

2. Find the right employer - tricky one I know. Find a small friendly company made up of like minded co-workers and avoid the corporate world.

For what it's worth, I don't think many junior porgrammers who are tasked with maintaining a legacy COBOL system will be that happy. It's 25 years since I've been near COBOL and to me it seemed tedius even then.

Modern languages such as C# and Java are relatively easy to learn, certainly to junior programmer level. If fact many people looking for junior programming jobs are pretty weak programmers, and that is being kind. As such, if you wanted to keep with the development career, I'd pick up one or two good 'teach your self' type books, and discipline yourself to working through them from end to end. It is worth noting that many of the best porgrammers out there are largely self taught. For me the trick is picking a language you're interested in learning, and a project that you find fascintating. Start simple and work up. If you can re-establish your enthusiasm, and start to love programming again, I have no doubt you can have a long, happy and successful career as a developer.

I'd also second Barry Brown's sentiment about spending some of your free time on taking outside exercise. Running is good, hiking with a bunch of people is also great, as is going out for a few beers and a bop with non computer people. If you work all day long in front of a screen, and come home to look at another screen, IMO, that is not going to help your mood. Given you may need to spend extra computer hours learning a new language, I'd say that's more than enough screen time.

Well, first off, don't sell yourself short. It sounds like you've at least had exposure to a few different languages and aspects of programming. Being successful in more than one language demonstrates that you understand the concepts of coding, which is actually a big step! There are a lot of "professional" coders out there that are completely language dependent and fail to carry over simple concepts between languages when only the semantics change. Good for you!

As for the software industry, one needs to understand that it will always be a higher stress, higher demand field. Partly because of what we deal with... intangibility. We are designing abstract systems that don't make sense to most people. The people selling products will always think "all you have to do is move this text box over here, and switch this background color", without understanding that moving a UI element could go against the underlying framework and cause a total redesign of a component. The 'higher-ups' never really understand why changes take so long, tend to rush work, and as such bypass good principles in favor of making deadlines. This fundamentally differs from what most programmers want... time and perfection, which in turn gives us a sense of pride in our work. In other words, programmers usually want to take their time and do things right and take pride in a job well done, while the business side wants to ship a product ASAP.

As for your ambitions as a junior level developer, I have to believe that there are companies you can work for that would provide you with the mentoring and training that you need to be successful. I just went through a job change myself, moving from a large company with roughly 50 programmers, to a much smaller company with a team of only 4 full-time programmers and a few contractors. My old company wouldn't mentor or train anyone. They only wanted to hire senior level people that could come in and immediately start coding and making progress. However, at my new company, it is the opposite. I am the only "senior" software engineer at this new job. The guy in the cube next to me is a junior level developer. I believe he has only been a professional C# programmer for about a year. He seems to be developing his skills well, and myself and the rest of the team are certainly there to help him when he has questions. Also, the company's original "IS" department consisted of 1 person, who was mainly an Oracle DBA that picked up C# to put a rough application together.

I guess the thing you need to figure out is; would you be happier doing something else? I quit my last job because I was completely miserable at the company, and hated the project I was on. At my new job, I am doing basically the same tasks, but now I am happy to wake up and go to work again because of the environment, the people, and the projects. The bottom line is; do whatever makes you happy! :)

I hope life turns around for you!

Some good advice above.

Try not to get things out of proportion. This probably won't seem like such a big deal in a few years time.

Take a couple of weeks holiday to get yourself sorted. Exercise can also be very helpful for stress/depression.

Your health is more important than your career.

An important thing I learnt to remove stress from my mind came from several people, involving novel writers, animes, my father, several pastors and martial artists: You generally create stress yourself. Repeat that: Stress comes from you!. Most of the times, you go like "Oh my god, I won't be finished tomorrow. They will run after me with Pitchforks, Axes and Torches, burn my cubicle and do other nasty things". This might happen, of course, but if you look on things like that, you disregard an important fact: Developing is a highly creative act -- in a sense "art", but I don't want to raise the holy flames of wars about that topic, so I say "creative act". Accepting this, you can conclude: You cannot rush development, because you cannot rush creative acts.

This leads to my current mindset. I throw myself at the project as hard as I can, and I am cranking things out as fast as I can, but I cannot go faster. I will be done when I am done. If I cannot hold your schedules, either your schedules are wrong or I am not 1337 (yes, that is sarcasm, indicated by stupid leet-speak :) ) enough for your job. Either your boss is going to accept the first one, or he is going to accept the second one, which results in Barry Browns scenario.

Of course, I assume that you DO throw yourself at problems as hard as you can without hurting yourself mentally or physically and regularly have visible or at least visualizable results so no one can say "But you don't get anything done".

Oh man quit, quit, quit! Use up credit, borrow from your parents (hell, move in with your parents) but get out of that toxic situation. Your sanity is worth a hundred jobs like that. Don't be a victim ("He still loves me he just can't help himself sometimes"); you can do better!

There is this thing called the Happy at work manifesto ^[1]. I think it might help you to read it. I think it's created by The Chief Happiness Officer ^[2], and you might enjoy his blog as well. It helps me getting a better outlook at my work situation.

OK, I have to say it because other people are being too easy on you. According to your profile, you are only 23 years old - you whole life is ahead of you and the biggest problem you are going to have getting a better job is your attitude and/or outlook on your life situation. It is a complete waste of time to question decisions of the past. You reflect on those things long enough to learn something from it and use your newly gained insights to decide what you are going to differently tomorrow that makes things better. I.e.: Just get over it and move on.

There is a lot of good advice in the other answers. The main advice that I would question is whether you should really immediately quit your job or not. Clearly, it sounds like you need to move on to a new job, but generally it is better/easier to maintain confidence in interviews and such when you are not [eventually] desperate to get the job to pay the rent or mortgage. With that said, if the job itself (and not your attitude about the job) is the core source of your mental health concerns, and you do have some level of savings to cover a minimum of a few months of good new job search - then yes - perhaps you should quit now.

PS: This question is way off-topic in my opinion - but what the heck.

In short, learn and do more with C# and Java (in that order, there are a glut of Java programmers in this area but your mileage may vary).

I went through something similar almost 30 years ago, having a near nervous breakdown that had me on short term disability for months. Why? Well, when you're in a company with 80,000 employees and yours is the only cost center losing money, well, the managers are going to be quick to blame the programmers. And when you're 18 years old, you don't have a lot to fight back with.

Pay yourself first. Start finding a better situation. It'll be harder now than it normally is because of the economy but, in the long run, you'll be far better off. Consider it an investment in yourself.

One other thing to consider is to sit back and ask yourself if you enjoy what it is you're supposed to be doing. Do you like programming? Do you prefer doing QA? What don't you like? Then orient your plans according to the answers.

I've been through a couple of rough patches in my career and managed to survive reasonably well. I could have been further advanced than I am now but made conscious choices that I didn't want to do those kinds of jobs. I can't count the number of times I've looked at my boss and said "I don't want your job".

Like my grandfather said. Find something you love doing. Then find a way to make money at it.

Based on the people I've had to interview over the last few years, it sounds like you're solidly past the "junior" level. Don't sell yourself short. One way to get the experience you want while still being productive at your current job is to introduce new tools into your current environment.

You're in QA, right? Do you have a system for reporting test results online? Maybe you could write one. There must be something you need to make your job easier, or to automate parts of it that you don't like doing manually.

Realising your situation in such concrete terms when you're just 23 is a huge sign of good things to come. From what I can tell, you've pretty much pinned down all the problems in your current situation and you've lived through them. That makes you enormously stronger and able to judge new gigs very well. Dwell a little on your positives as one of the other answers has suggested and prepare a good resume. I'm sure you can get your career back on the road. I came to a similar realisation after I burned out quite a few of my best years and had to really struggle to get my career back on track.

Also, a bit of soul searching and career counselling regarding your true calling might not be out of place. I don't know your personally so I can't suggest anything and from what I've read, I think your depressive state is purely from your job but asking a professional for some help on whether you should shift careers is not a bad idea.

While you could try to salvage your career, I think my suggestion would be to list what technical and non-technical skills have you developed in your years of work and recognize that you do have some experience and may have a better background than you think to be a developer. If you can find bugs and fix them, this could take you a long way to getting in the door at some places.

I wouldn't give up. However, I would seriously think about what you do and don't like about your current job, what you would like in a future job and then find some recruiters that could have those kinds of jobs to fill. Are you looking on sites like Workopolis and Monster for the recruiting companies to use? That may be a good starting point.