Meta Stack OverflowJon Skeet Facts
[+366] [291] Bill the Lizard
[2008-11-20 13:00:50]
[ discussion community fun ]

I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts [1] style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question [2].

EDIT: If you're into cryptography, you may enjoy these facts [3].

Now with official sanction from the powers that be! [4]

(354) Who the hell is Jon Skeet? - thenduks
(39) @thenduks: Leave now before he comes and sees your ignorance. - Dexter
wow, +35k views: this is a dangerous form of popularity-you'll certainly see for yourself, once there's a "Is it possible to disprove the theorem that Jon Skeet cannot be downvoted" question on SO ;-) - none
(2) Could someone explain to those poor lost souls how much they are mistaken? They refer to "Chuck Norris" for "programming" facts, instead of Jon! See "The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes":… (and the last comments on that page) - VonC
(1) @VonC: I saw your comment in that forum. Thanks for trying to set those heathens straight. :) - Bill the Lizard
(8) Here is the question: Why? I respect Skeet. He's answered my questions. But... I mean, really...? - Frank V
(1) Skeet is stackoverflow... - Andy
I so $%&E#^&#^#%$^$#^% hate you Jon.. I feel like an ant! I need my existence. - DragonBorn
(3) Why don't we stop worshipping Jon Skeet? - staticx
(2) "I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers"? Surely from now on this style will be known as "Jon Skeet style answers"... - Matt
Jon Skeet is the reason threads are unsafe. Jon Skeet killed the iPhone. - plafayette
Ok, we have 11 pages of "facts", it's more than enough, especially on such topic. New answers won't be seen anyway. So, following the same logic applied for all CW questions reaching an impractical number of pages, I'm locking the question. If someone is unglad about it, feel free to contact me by email to discuss it. - Gnoupi
[+912] [2008-11-20 21:48:21] Dan Dyer
  • Jon Skeet can divide by zero.
  • Jon Skeet's SO reputation is only as modest as it is because of integer overflow (SQL Server does not have a datatype large enough)
  • Jon Skeet is the only top 100 SO user who is human. The others are bots that he coded to pass the time between questions.
  • Jon Skeet coded his last project entirely in Microsoft Paint, just for the challenge.
  • Jon Skeet does not use exceptions when programming. He has not been able to identify any of his code that is not exceptional.
  • When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises.
  • Jon Skeet does not use revision control software. None of his code has ever needed revision.
  • When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?"
  • There are two types of programmers: good programmers, and those that are not Jon Skeet.

LOL, but I'm outta votes. - MusiGenesis
(6) These are awesome. :) - Bill the Lizard
(77) I love the MS Paint one. - Bryan Anderson
Funny I didn't get he context of the question at first so I was left wondering 'How does he divide by zero' for a few seconds...Up 1. - community_owned
(36) Shouldn't that be "Jon Skeet can divide by zero. Twice" - Mitch Wheat
(1) Dan your quote so great hahaha the best of the whole thread - Daok
(37) LOL :) "Compiler apologises if Jon's code fails to compile". - Pradeep
(82) There's a delicious irony to the fact that this answer has more upvotes than my most "popular" answer :) - Jon Skeet
@Dan: Nice additions. I would have gone with binary on that one about "two types of programmers", though. :) - Bill the Lizard
@you know who: that's the internet for you - Joel Coehoorn
I would have accepted this if Jon hadn't answered himself. I hope you at least get a gold badge out of it. :) - Bill the Lizard
(29) @Bill, no problem :) If Jon Skeet answers a question and gets fewer votes than you, the Internet is broken. - Dan Dyer
(4) @Dan: Luckily Jon Skeet can fix it. :) - Bill the Lizard
(12) Apparently I'm a bot invented by Jon Skeet... :-0 - Jason Baker
@Jason Baker: That was my favorite part of this answer. It's an honor, isn't it? :) - Bill the Lizard
"Jon Skeet can divide by zero". Well, actually, Jon Skeet and ActionScript programmers. :-) - Sandman
(10) "When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises." hahah, that's the best one I've read on this page. - Rich Adams
(23) "When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?" " - I actually checked, just in case somebody from Google picked up on it. ;-) - John MacIntyre
(1) "When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises. " i loled! :D - Filip Ekberg
I cried laughing with that one as well Filip :D - balexandre
Jon Skeet coded his last project entirely in Microsoft Paint, just for the challenge- LMAO - TStamper
The MS Paint one was brilliant! - KyleFarris
(13) "Jon Skeet coded his last project entirely in Microsoft Paint, just for the challenge." Does that mean he knows Piet? - mmyers
(1) These are awesome one liners - would like to see them on T-shirts! Especially the programmers one. - Vivek
(24) "Jon Skeet can divide by zero." may be the best line ever written on stackoverflow. - pomarc
@mmyers - wow... - Erik
(6) When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?" - SO should do this :-) - Graphain
So, will I be able to comprehend C# In Depth??? - IAbstract
(5) "When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?" " - I was so disappointed when Google didn't... =( - David Thomas
+1 to increase the 'delicious irony' - Evan Plaice
I just upvoted and it went to 666, i am little bit scared hope nothing bad happens. - VoodooChild
(12) + I can't stop laughing even when I read it in the office When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises. - iSid
(1) ROFL! - "Jon Skeet does not use exceptions when programming. He has not been able to identify any of his code that is not exceptional." :) - Dienekes
You get +1 because of the MS Paint, exceptional! - Trufa
(1) john skeet can count to infinity ,twice,in 1.234 seconds - Pankaj Kainthla
+1 and LOL for "When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?"" - Nips
+1 for last point. hahahahahah its really awosome.... - Awais Qarni
In fact you can program in MS Paint in the Piet programming language. - rightfold
Correction: The top 100 SO users of all time consist of 1 human (Jon Skeet), 98 robots (made by Jon Skeet), and 1 lizard (Jon Skeet's long time pet whom he trained to code). - Moses
@Pankaj That is awesome. - Mob
There is only 1 good programmer. The rest are Jon Skeet wannabe. - Buhake Sindi
I cried laughing over each one of them!! ;-))) - Tomas
"When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?" -- Being an Indian, I Love to here the usage of 'guru' to JON SKEET. - EAGER_STUDENT
"When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises." Classic! - MalsR
[+821] [2008-11-21 21:49:42] Jon Skeet [ACCEPTED]

These are written in the third person so as not to disrupt the style of the thing. But hey, as we all know, Jon Skeet can make 1 == 3 anyway, so it makes no difference.

  • Jon Skeet is immutable. If something's going to change, it's going to have to be the rest of the universe.
  • Jon Skeet's addition operator doesn't commute; it teleports to where he needs it to be.
  • Anonymous methods and anonymous types are really all called Jon Skeet. They just don't like to boast.
  • Jon Skeet's code doesn't follow a coding convention. It is the coding convention.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't have performance bottlenecks. He just makes the universe wait its turn.
  • Jon Skeet is the only person who has ranked higher than Jon Skeet in the SO all-time rep league [1].
  • Users don't mark Jon Skeet's answers as accepted. The universe accepts them out of a sense of truth and justice.

(30) That anon types one is a gem. - StingyJack
People who 'boo' Jon Skeet are never heard from again - this is your only warning... - JeremyDWill
(45) Chuck Norris doesn't contribute to his facts, Jon Skeet does! - utku_karatas
(30) Well played, sir. I'm glad you joined in the fun, instead of being embarrassed or offended by this question. It says a lot that you took it in the same spirit it was intended. :) - Bill the Lizard
(263) Jon Skeet does not refer to himself in the third person. Jon Skeet is always the first person, regardless of who is speaking about him. - Dan Dyer
(2) >> Jon Skeet is immutable. If something's going to >> change, it's going to have to be the rest of the universe. You weren't reading my book carefuly ;-) we'll just create new clone with some properties changed. - Tomas Petricek
This is the only original entry in all this, if there are any at all. must have been a hard decision, not knowing whether they would downvote you or not. Now as a thank-you, let's hope you will thank the stack-overflow community in your next C# book lol - Johannes Schaub - litb
(58) @lol - with +40 and "answer", Jon gets a guru badge for a question about... Jon ;-p - Marc Gravell
(17) He really should be the leading authority on the topic. :) - Bill the Lizard
(5) Bill - that's why this is the accepted answer. =P - Erik
Well done Jon, you're famous! :) - Doctor Jones
(3) @Jon: wouldn't you prefer your first gold badge to be for your canonical post on for loops instead of a bunch of Chuck Norris jokes? :) It's OK - Al Pacino didn't really get his Oscar for Scent of a Woman, either. - MusiGenesis
(2) I'll happily take any gold badge I get ;) - Jon Skeet
It looks like most (all?) of the gold badges are for the non-technical posts anyway, so you're in good company. Congrats. - Marc Gravell
Congrats for the gold badge! 102 votes ! - Daok
@Jon, have you seen that you even feature in the StackOverflow adverts now? - Dan Dyer
Yup :) I was consulted beforehand, btw. - Jon Skeet
So could Jon Skeet actually get a silver Jon-Skeet tag badge if we vote up this answer another 165 times? :-D - George Stocker
@Gortok - Nope, tag badges don't apply to wiki... just think of the number of subjective, off-topic and poll "specialists" we'd have! - Gavin Miller
(2) Sharing knowledge and helping others is one of the major reasons for personal satisfaction, and what really pushes this satisfaction to the edge, is people's appreciation and thankfulness. Jon you earned that, you really deserve to be happy about yourself. :) - Galilyou
(1) Jon Skitt...u r the man! - Pushkar
select * from john_skeet where lose is null - CheeseConQueso
So true that one about the universe and performance... - luiscubal
450th +1, I approve. - EvilChookie
(1) I have read this post more than all the novels I have read combined! - DragonBorn
(3) Even though JonSkeet is immutable and therefore is a value, isn't there SOME way I can reference him? Surely he isn't static or sealed or volatile or....or....unmanaged! - jro
(1) @Lord Torgamus: If you like nice round numbers, my sleep pattern has nearly reached one too ;)… - Jon Skeet
The question's locked so I should really give it up, but: Jon Skeet isn't a Most Valuable Professional, he's the Only Valuable Professional. - Rory MacLeod
@Jon really wondering if you ever used this/this thread on your resume? Ex: My Special skills: Really good at C#, Java, Being the equivalent of Chuck Norris for programmers. - gideon
Jon Skeet is Jon Skeet after all :) - Zain Shaikh
Tempted to add "Jon Skeet is the base case". - middaparka
john skeet knows the meaning of sukurmantharamgalization - Pankaj Kainthla
(3) As of today Jon Skeet is officially immutable. He's the first to receive the bronze immutable badge. - Ates Goral
(1) Shouldn't that answer end with: "I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Stay thirsty my friends." - LarsTech
(1) Jon Skeet can write Java in Visual Studio. - Erik Larsson
Jon always gets the "I'm a human being" captcha! - juergen d
[+618] [2008-11-21 20:46:26] Jeffrey L Whitledge

Jon Skeet has already written a book about C# 5.0.

It’s currently sealed up.

In three years, Anders Hejlsberg [1] is going to open the book to see if the language design team got it right.


...hermetically sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnell's porch since noon today. - Bill the Lizard
(77) I think this is my favourite so far. - Jon Skeet
This one is amazing. I laughed very hard. - Robert S.
ROFL, this is brutal. - lubos hasko
I still laugh at this one. Brilliant. - Iain Holder
(11) This is brilliant! - Dominic
this one is so great!!! - presario
this is the best !! - Yassir
(1) I love this! Its even funnier cos its true. - Matt
(5) THis is the best one. - Pëkka
(1) Amazon link plz. - Towhid
It's been 3 years. What's the news? - Rocket Hazmat
(2) @Rocket - I've heard that the language design team was spot-on except for minor contextual keyword choice differences in the async feature. They are not going to reveal the correct keywords, for fear it would create dissatisfaction among C# programmers with the language as it is actually being implemented. Thus we will never know what awesomeness C#5 could have been. - Jeffrey L Whitledge
[+549] [2008-11-26 13:45:36] Oliver Hallam

Jon Skeet can recite π. Backwards.

.. in his sleep. - Gishu
(12) That's actually a really good one. - Andrew Rollings
(17) Freaking brilliant. - Jeffrey
really hilarious - Thomas Danecker
I think this is the second-best of all (after "Jon Skeet can divide by zero"). - MusiGenesis
(16) and, by the way, I think he`s one who can get reputation up by answering questions about himself:) - chester89
I wonder why Jon hasn't commented on this one... Brilliant! - presario
This one is the best answer ever - thomasrutter
(43) That pi symbol doesn't look like a pi symbol. It looks like Stonehenge. - Nosredna
(1) @presario: He's still reciting... - splattne
I had a: hmm, heh.... <quarter drops> ... oooooooh! - NomeN
(58) @Nosredna, that's appropriate, since Jon Skeet built Stonehenge. - Gabriel Hurley
(1) This one is definitely my favorite! - Kevin Babcock
[+533] [2008-11-20 13:02:53] Bill the Lizard
  • Jon Skeet once answered one of my questions 42 seconds before I asked it. It is my belief that he employed a super computer and Infinite Improbability Drive [1] technology to achieve this result.

  • When Jon Skeet points to null, null quakes in fear.

  • Donald Knuth wears a "Jon Skeet is my Homeboy" t-shirt to show off at parties.

  • Jon Skeet is the traveling salesman. Only he knows the shortest route.

  • Jon Skeet can make the Kessel run in under twelve parsecs.

  • Jon Skeet took the red pill and the blue pill, and can phase-shift in and out of the Matrix at will.

  • Jon Skeet has root access to your system.

  • The Dining Philosophers [2] wait while Jon Skeet eats.

  • Jon Skeet knows the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow, both African and European.

  • Jon Skeet has more "Nice Answer" badges than you have badges.

  • Jon Skeet saved the Princess.


(62) "When Jon Skeet points to null, null quakes in fear." ROFLMAO! Now there's Mountain Dew on my monitor, thanks a lot! - Steven A. Lowe
I do love the "null quakes in fear joke" that's awesome! - Fry
(11) that one about Prof. Knuth using a t-shirt whit Jon's name is really funny! - Alex. S.
(2) The first one is definitely true, every time I try to answer something at night the "new answers" prompt appears and its always Jon answering. - cfeduke
haaaaaaaaaaaaa this was hilarious - Sara Chipps
lmfao @ null quakes in fear - Eduardo León
(6) Hahaha, the traveling salesman one is my favorite. - unforgiven3
(5) I thought this was Chuck Norris style not reality @Jon Skeet has more "Nice Answer" badges than you have badges. - CrashCodes
(1) I motion to re-accept the answer to this question +1 (best comp sci references) - Toran Billups
(30) African or European ? - Vagnerr
(3) @Vagnerr: Huh? I-- I don't know that. Auuuuuuuugh! - Bill the Lizard
The null is good. Kinda want a "Jon's code throws Code Pointer Exceptions at nulls" or something, but I can't get it quite right... - Bill K
@Bill K: I like it! I think it just need a bit of set up. Something like "Jon Skeet does not get Null Pointer Exceptions. Jon Skeet throws Code Pointer Exceptions at null." - Bill the Lizard
GOOOOD Stuff. I am a great fan of Chuck Norris facts, but this is darn good too :) :) - MasterPeter
Jon Skeet can pass through a fire wall! - Bogdan Gusiev
(26) The dining philosophers!! Classic! - sjobe
(1) Seriously, best answer yet... :) - Aviad Ben Dov
(5) "Jon Skeet has more "Nice Answer" badges than you have badges" -- sadly, he has well over 10x more - Dinah
hahaha I love the dining philosophers joke :) - townsean
hahahaha seriously this answer is awesome! =) - gideon
I'd say "Jon Skeet found the princess in the first castle he went". - Nasosdim
++ at Jon Skeet has more "Nice Answer" badges than you have badges that's so true XD - Second Rikudo
He has more "Great Answer" badges than I have badges, and here I thought I wasn't doing to badly ... - rcollyer
[+396] [2008-11-21 16:36:16] Bill the Lizard

Q: Can Jon Skeet ask a question that even Jon Skeet can't answer?

A: Yes. And he can answer it, too.

(18) LOL, this one's in my top 3. - j_random_hacker
[+344] [2008-12-30 14:55:22] splattne

If Jon Skeet posts a duplicate question on StackOverflow, the original question will be closed as a duplicate.

This one is great! Wish I hadn't run out of votejuice... - j_random_hacker
(6) HAHA!!! Hilarious! - Micah
(1) Very nice - Excellent! - HBoss
(58) StackOverflow has a JonSkeetAskedAQuestionException. It's never been thrown. - Lucas
Whaddya know, the votejuice came back! +1. - j_random_hacker
gooood......... - alem0lars
Really? Was that edit necessary? - jmfsg
[+258] [2008-11-21 23:33:53] Marc Gravell
  • when Jon gives a method an argument, the method loses
  • when Jon pushes a value onto a stack, it stays pushed
  • when invoking one of Jon's callbacks, the runtime adds "please"
  • drivers think twice before they dare interrupt Jon's code

(4) +1 for "When Jon pushes a value onto a stack, it stays pushed." - Adam Davis
(24) +1 for method arguments :) - Fry
(7) #3: So the runtime translates Jon's code into INTERCAL - Gorpik
I'm with Adam Davis. Happy 100th +1! - j_random_hacker
haha. Nice one about interruption! +1 - jweyrich
(1) +1 for drivers think twice before they dare interrupt Jon's code. - avirk
+1 for please. Well played, sir! - ajax81
[+250] [2008-11-21 16:21:23] MusiGenesis


JONBERT appears courtesy of:


(4) I recognize Greg Hewgill in the last panel, and I'm probably the only one who spotted my own logo. :) So, who is that speaking in the last panel, and who is the PHB supposed to be? (This is hilarious, BTW.) - Bill the Lizard
(7) PHB = Pointy-Haired Boss (or Pointy-Haired Banana from Peanut Butter Jelly Time). The speaker is Joel Spolsky-as-Wally. - MusiGenesis
You're probably the only person who has even seen this. The crowd at Jon Skeet Facts? has kind of thinned out. - MusiGenesis
Yeah, but it's a week old. There are real questions to answer. :) - Bill the Lizard
(1) haha nice once MusiGeneris ;) - Daok
(12) I assume I'm not the only one to equate PHB's pointy hair to Coding Horror's site logo? - Yuvi
You're the first to notice so far. :) No one has spotted the Charles Manson reference yet. - MusiGenesis
(1) Is that a swastika on Jon's forehead? - Robert S.
No, it's the weird little symbol next to the logo on Coding Horror. The JPEG is crappy so it doesn't show up very well. - MusiGenesis
Well, there's the Manson reference for you. :p - Robert S.
You got it. Enjoy your badge. :) - MusiGenesis
What's the 'G' for in "1.0G" ? - Joel Coehoorn
Giga. We all know managers have big egos. :) - MusiGenesis
(4) I wish I could vote twice. - John MacIntyre
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha - Carson Myers
[+196] [2008-11-21 15:11:17] Gishu
  1. Jon Skeet does not sleep.. He waits.
  2. Google is Jon Skeet behind a proxy.
  3. Jon Skeet does not recognize anonymous types in .net .. he knows everyone of them and where they live.
  4. Jeff Atwood bought a monster GPU just to calculate J S's rep on SO... CPUs don't cut it anymore.
  5. J S doesn't answer questions on SO.. he stares them down till they answer themselves.
  6. MSDN is a post-it J S wrote when he was four.
  7. Godzilla is a japanese rendition of Jon's first visit to Redmond.
  8. When J S does a search on Google.. the only result is "I'll be right back".
  9. J S returned intellisense and got his money back!
  10. The 'Jigsaw Killer' didn't die of cancer.. he died of heartbreak. JS kept leaving 'same time next week :)' post-its in his traps.
  11. Norman Bates lives a normal life today... J S fixed the unwanted callbacks and rewrote Mother.Dispose()
  12. J S took out Harry Callahan with an anonymous delegate before he could say 'do you punk?'
  13. When J S presses F5, the Garbage collector collects itself.. there is no other garbage.
  14. Contrary to popular belief, there is enough J S to go around.. and then some. - StingyJack
@StingyJack: That is hilarious. :) - Bill the Lizard
(5) #2 is great, it reminds me this - Alex. S.
(15) @Bill.. Try search Google for 'find chuck norris' and click 'I'm feeling lucky'. - Gishu
@StingyJack: Someone at Google has a great sense of humor. - Bill the Lizard
(3) I love the "Garbage collecter" one :) - presario
9 and 14 are awsome - Yassir
@Presario I didn't know about that one. - Mark C
You had me at #6. - Justin Morgan
[+185] [2008-11-21 15:08:08] John the Statistician

Jon Skeet can believe it's not butter.

I love this classic. - Robert S.
(1) This one is so beautiful in its simplicity. I wish I had more votes to give. :) - Bill the Lizard
Awesome! This is a beauty. - Nick
Best one so far! - Erik Öjebo
(14) No fair stealing Chuck Norris facts. - JohnFx
I marked this as community by accident, so don't worry, the theft isn't going into my reputation. - John the Statistician
[+178] [2008-11-21 16:50:13] Steven A. Lowe
  • Jon Skeet can throw an exception further than anyone else, and in less time
  • Jon Skeet can code in Perl and make it look like Java
  • Jon Skeet can stop an infinite loop just by thinking about it
  • Jon Skeet doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses
  • Jon Skeet once wrote an entire operating system in his sleep on a Treo with no battery, powered only by the force of his will

Jon Skeet throwing exceptions farther than anyone else is funny too! :D - Alex. S.
(8) I like the Perl/Java syntax comparision +1 - rightfold
(5) John Skeet can write an algorithm to compute an infinite loop in under 10 minutes - Jonno_FTW
(5) "Jon Skeet doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses" -- Jon Skeet's software doesn't have bugs. - musicfreak
(1) @[musicfreak]: that's for when jon is debugging other people's code - Steven A. Lowe
+1 for the first one - avp
I don't get the perl /Java one. I don't even know that much perl and I'm pretty sure I can make perl look like Java by using blocks and defining public and private functions... - wm_eddie
lol at the perl joke! :) I would +1 you, but no rep :( - townsean
"Jon Skeet doesn't need a debugger, he just glances at the code and the bug confesses. - Sean Vieira
+1 "Jon Skeet can throw an exception further than anyone else" -- awesome kinetics - Majid Fouladpour
farther, not further - Thomas Eding
[+151] [2008-11-21 14:46:31] VonC

Some Chuck Norris quotes translated in Jon Skeetish lingo:

  • If you have 10000 reputation points and Jon Skeet has 10000 reputation points, Jon Skeet has more reputation than you.

  • There is no 'CTRL' button on Jon Skeet's computer. Jon Skeet is always in control.

  • The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

From the comments of the accepted answer [1]:

  • Jon Skeet has a guru badge for a question about... Jon Skeet ( Marc Gravell [2])
    (this is true: his answer on this post has been accepted and upvoted more than 40 times)
    That makes Jon Skeet the leading authority on... Jon Skeet ( Bill the Lizard [3]).

From the blog post " Stack Overflow Is You [4]"

  • Jon Skeet says: "Stack Overflow is You ? I knew that already [5]"
    [ok, the full quote is actually:

    “Stack Overflow is you.” I knew that already :) What, you’re saying it’s other people too? Hmm… ;) ]

And some original ones:

  • Jon Skeet does not run his programs. He just whispers "you better run". And it runs.

  • Jon Skeet codes only with final sealed methods. No one has ever needed to override any of Jon Skeet's code.

  • Jon Skeet LINQs all things

  • Jon Skeet does not "Abort, Retry, Ignore". Ever.

  • Jon Skeet is a BSOD in himself: Best Stack Overflow Definition.

  • Jon Skeet only solves NP-awesome problems.

  • Jon Skeet is *IntelliSense*:

    • to get an answer on Stack Overflow, type: 'Jon Skeet' + CTRL+SPACE. The answer is displayed immediately.
    • works for question too: "I would like to know..." 'Jon Skeet' + CTRL+SPACE: the question you actually wanted to ask writes itself.

And of course:


(9) The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake - great.. :) - AvidProgrammer
+1 for NP-awesome. :) - j_random_hacker
+1 for awesome and for that BSOD one - ROFLMAO! - Maxim Zaslavsky
+1: absolute brilliance - IAbstract
+1: All your reputations are belong to Jon Skeet! - jrista
+1. I liked this : Jon Skeet does not run his programs. He just whispers "you better run". And it runs. - Nawaz
+1 The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake. !! - MalsR
[+145] [2008-11-21 16:23:47] Totophil

Jon Skeet has performed the following feats on Stack Overflow (yes, in real life):

  • Jon Skeet won the “Hello World” in less than 20 bytes" contest by developing a single byte program. He could have easily done with zero bytes, "but that would have been silly."

"Hello World" in less than 20 bytes [1]

  • Jon Skeet does not resolve software problems. The problems resolve themselves the moment he walks into the office.

What Easter Eggs have you placed in code? [2]

  • Jon Skeet can answer a question well before it is asked and then get several up-votes whilst he has yet to finish typing the solution.

What's a good algorithm to determine if an input is a perfect square? [3] (see comments)


Nice found! Haven't read those 2 posts from Jon. - Daok
(17) upvote because not only can these hang with any of the others posted, they really are true! - Joel Coehoorn
(12) +100 for actual evidence of skeetness - Orion Edwards
If you search wikipedia for Jon Skeet, it asks "Did you mean: jonny sweet"... yeah, I guess he is, now that I think about it. - barrycarter
[+112] [2008-11-21 16:31:30] Robert S.

The Jon Skeet badge is awarded for posting a better answer than Jon Skeet. Only Jon Skeet can earn this badge.

Reminds me to some trading card game text :) - VVS
(10) not true: - Nathan Feger
(3) Haha that's a great find! - Robert S.
Can Jon Skeet create a boulder than he himself could not lift? I wonder... - Erik
I've once written an answer a few seconds faster than Jon Skeet, look where that got me :)… - TDaver
@Nathan Feger It should be noted that the OP who accepted the other answer no longer exists... - Geronimo
[+101] [2008-11-21 21:42:19] jsfain

God said: 'Let there be light,' only so he could see what Jon Skeet was up to.

[+98] [2008-11-21 15:06:17] paul.richardson

Superman wears Skeet pajamas to bed!

(5) Coffee blasted through my mouth on this one ... thanks ;) - CheGueVerra
LOL, I just pissed myself!! - BennyTjia
[+94] [2009-01-22 10:15:43] bojan
  • Jon Skeet's keyboard doesn't have F1 key, the computer asks for help from him.
  • When Jon Skeet presses Ctrl+Alt+Delete, worldwide computers restart is initiated. The same goes for format.
  • Jon Skeet uses Visual Studio to burn CDs.
  • Jon Skeet is not close to perfection, perfection is close to Jon Skeet.
  • God didn't really create the world in six days, because Jon Skeet optimized it to one.
  • Jon Skeet's brain thinks binary.
  • Jon Skeet dreams in ones and zeros. When two shows up, it is a nightmare. But again that's only in theory. Two doesn't exist for Jon.
  • Jon Skeet's heart rate is 5 GHz.
  • Thanks to the XML application AIDSTest 1.1 written by Jon Skeet, mobile phone users can now test them selfs for the HIV virus by a simple SMS. Anonymity Guaranteed!
  • Seventh normal form (7NF) for database normalization IS Jon Skeet.
  • Nobody has EVER dared to close the <JonSkeet> tag.
  • When Jon Skeet solves an equation the variables becomes constants.
  • If anyone writes delete JonSkeet; in C, the Apocalypse will come.
  • Once Jon Skeet went to the library... Since then the library was dynamically linked.
  • Jon Skeet has the key to Open Source. He just doesn't want to close it.
  • Compatibility doesn't exist in Jon Skeet's dictionary. He can easily work in Microsoft Office in Linux on a Mac.
  • When Jon Skeet is programming the Garbage Collector rests. The objects know when to destroy themselves.
  • Jon Skeet's styling is connected to a CSS file.
  • If the Internet is the web then Jon Skeet is the spider.
  • "Bad command or file name" - angrily said Jon Skeet, and continued: "Go stand in the corner". Poor "file or command name".
  • When Jon Skeet is on a diet and doesn't eat fast food, all hard disks change from FAT to NTFS.
  • Jon Skeet has written the best programming language. Its source has just one command... void JonSkeet();
  • Jon Skeet doesn't use #include. He thinks of it as cheating.

(1) Jon Skeet does not tolerate his name being misspelled. (And I feel his pain.) - Jon Ericson
(13) Damn!!! That's why my connection was slow all day... - bojan
LOL and +1 for "perfection is close to Jon Skeet" :-) - Jon Schneider
(2) Jon Skeet uses Visual Studio to burn CD's. i can do that !! - Yassir
(3) Upvoted for "Nobody has EVER dared to close the <JonSkeet> tag". :D - melfar
</JonSkeet> ... wow it's empty here. - sjmulder
The "Bad command or file name" one is superb! - Konamiman
(2) "If anyone writes delete JonSkeet; in C, the Apocalypse will come." <-- Delete in C? - Billy ONeal
Is When 2 shows up, it is a nightmare. a reference to this: ? - Time Traveling Bobby
On the AIDSTest, there is a mobile app in development for STD tests. You piss on the phone:… - John Smith
the normalization is great - dynamic
(2) The last one is pure gold. - Maxpm
@Adam Davis I am sorry, I'll roll it back. - rightfold
[+80] [2008-11-21 16:54:01] Caleb Postlethwait

Jon Skeet once hacked the FBI using an etch-a-sketch

[+77] [2008-11-21 17:08:10] Skizz

In a page margin of Jon Skeet's copy of the book on the Riemann hypothesis [1] is the note:

"I have discovered a truly marvellous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain."


(1) lol I only wish I could vote up more than once. - Daniel Spiewak
(11) It would be much better if it was the P = NP problem instead. - blizpasta
@blizpasta Lookup the Riemann Hypothesis on Wikipedia. Like P = NP, its proof is among the millennium problems. - Daniel Spiewak
I believe this was Fermat, with regard to his "last theorem":'s_Last_Theorem - Mike Scott
[+68] [2008-11-21 14:56:22] Winston Smith
  • When a null reference exception goes to sleep, it checks under the bed for Jon Skeet.
  • There is no CTRL button on Jon Skeets keyboard. Jon Skeet is always in control.
  • Jon Skeet's threads do not sleep. They wait.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't need delegates, he does all the work himself.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't call a background worker, background workers call Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
  • Jon Skeet can solve the travelling salesman in O(1).
  • When Jon Skeet throws an exception, nothing can catch it.

Jon Skeet's threads do not sleep. They fear - Herms
(4) +1 for the "Jon Skeet can solve the traveling salesman in O(1)" :-) - Sandman
(2) "Jon Skeet can solve the travelling salesman in O(1). " is Unbelievable!! :) - Lawand
Jon Skeet can solve the travelling salesman in O(1), because HE is the travelling salesman :) - BennyTjia
+1 When Jon Skeet throws an exception, nothing can catch it. - Oybek
Jon Skeet can write a JavaScript that checks weather the browser has enabled the JavaScript and turns it on if its not. - Oybek
Jon never checks for permissions when codes, because the code he has written has all available permissions - Oybek
[+68] [2008-11-21 17:38:53] xyz

.NET uses Just-In-Time compilation because every instruction must first be approved by Jon Skeet

(2) .NET Jon Skeet Special Edition, installed on Jon Skeet's computer, has an improved implementation of JIT compilation, called 'Just-In-Case' compilation, which employs system-level keyboard and mouse activity detection. - Andriy M
[+66] [2008-11-23 20:12:14] mseery
  1. There simply is no Halting Problem within a 10-meter radius of Jon Skeet, because computers are rightfully afraid to halt in his presence.

  2. Jon Skeet has proven the Continuum Hypothesis, but has agreed not to share his discovery with the world until leading mathematicians recover from the shock.

  3. Jon Skeet is beyond Turing-complete; he is Turing-invincible.

  4. nVidia plans to triple the processing power of their newest videocards by bypassing their GPU pipelines entirely and offloading the vector operations to Jon Skeet over instant messenger. And those graphics benchmarks will improve further still during those intervals when Jon is actually awake.

(54) Tempted to downvote for the outrageous suggestion that I sometimes sleep. That's been disproven many times. - Jon Skeet
(1) Actually laughed out loud. And you know I'm serious because I spelled out the phrase entirely. - mseery
(1) Haha, mad respect for that comment Jon! I wish I could vote it up =) - macke
(3) Shouldn't this be: 1. There is simply no Halting Problem within a 10-meter radius of John Skeet, because computers ALWAYS halt in his presence. - Arafangion
[+66] [2008-11-25 14:18:24] dp.

Skeet is now a verb. To be skeeted: The act of attempting to answer a Stack Overflow question only to find out that Jon Skeet has already answered it definitively and much better than you could have done.

(7) "Damn it! I was skeeted out by seconds" - Federico Ramponi
How 'bout Skeet-rolled? - Joel Coehoorn
(1) Or would that be getting tricked into following a link to that vampire picture with the slippers? - Joel Coehoorn
(2) All skeet skeet. - Zombies
(7) That could lead to: "Skeet skeet Skeet skeet skeet Skeet" (along the lines of - AviD
Best one in here. - Second Rikudo
[+59] [2008-11-21 14:58:17] JacobE
  • Jon Skeet doesn't look for reputation. Reputation looks for Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet can do pair programming with himself

[+54] [2008-11-21 21:09:06] rossfabricant

Jon Skeet once fixed a production problem [1] in his pajamas. How it got in his pajamas, I will never know.


(5) +1 for Marx Brothers reference :D - Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
[+53] [2008-11-21 16:37:53] user133799
  • Jon Skeet's first "Hello World" app took up 10 bytes of memory (think about it!)
  • When Jon installed Visual Studio he opted not to install the debugger
  • When Jon saves a file the file thanks him
  • Bill wanted Jon but had to make do with Jerry
  • When Yoda needs advice he calls Jon Skeet

(16) It was actually 1 byte. See:… - MusiGenesis
But yours is funnier. :) - MusiGenesis
Hot Damn - he's right! - Fry
Jon Skeet doesn't need Visual Studio. He writes in Assembler when he feels too lazy to write zeros and ones. - Eduardo León
(1) "When Jon saves a file the file thanks him" +1 - Jader Dias
Holy crap @MusiG :o - Second Rikudo
When Yoda needs advice he calls Skeet Jon - pinouchon
[+51] [2008-11-22 01:43:26] FlySwat

I like Turtles!

Jon Skeet survives off the blood of the living, and has incredible taste in slippers.

Seriously [1].


lol, i bet he'd rather this one went away ;) - Joel Coehoorn
(8) Those pics have been up for ages for anyone to look at. I suspect everyone else would rather it went away, mind you... - Jon Skeet
(1) I don't know what's scariest, the pallor, the bunny slippers, or that shirt. :) - Bill the Lizard
Check out the alt text. - FlySwat
Awesome combination indeed :) - Thorarin
[+48] [2008-11-26 18:47:34] Adam Neal

Only Jon Skeet earned the coveted "Jon Skeet" badge:

Jon Skeet badge

And the exception to this rule is… - Arlen Beiler
[+44] [2008-11-22 18:27:16] Federico
  • Jon Skeet keeps a daily backup of the Internet on his USB pendrive.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't know how to debug — he doesn't need to.
  • Jon Skeet can reach the Ballmer peak with distilled water.
  • Now Linux runs also on Turing machines, thanks to Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet wrote a beautiful concerto for piano and orchestra which is also an ISO C compiler, after score2binary conversion.
  • Jon Skeet's mouse has upvote, downvote and flag offensive buttons.[citation needed]
  • The Wall Street crisis was caused by a downvote to a Jon Skeet answer.
  • When Jon Skeet reaches Captain Hewgill, the world will end.
  • Only Jon Skeet knows that this sentence is true.
  • Jon Skeet is the author of The Book of Answers [1], programmer's edition. In a moment of frustration, yesterday I opened it at a random page. It said: "You are trying to dereference a null pointer at line 525". Damn it, it was true!

score2binary... very Dirk Gently-esk - NomeN
+1 for ballmer peak - FUZxxl
AHAHAHAAHAHAHAH daily internet backup - dynamic
[+44] [2008-11-23 22:57:24] gbarry

When Jon Skeet codes a far JMP, the assembler asks, "How high?"

(1) and J S replies.. the more relevant question is "How Long?" - Gishu
(3) How far? . - RodeoClown
[+39] [2009-04-07 22:41:18] Peter Perháč

God is real. Unless Jon Skeet declares it integer.

[+37] [2008-11-25 16:40:32] Darron

Jon Skeet mentioned my name in a comment and my reputation went up.

(4) And now I got a "nice answer" badge as a result. - Darron
.................#win! - Matt
[+35] [2009-02-21 21:48:29] MarkJ

"Jon Skeet" is the Internet come alive. It's a cover name for all the world's computers forming themselves into a massive grid & amusing themselves on StackOverflow. His name is an anagram of "Net's Joke" - how obvious could it be?

(5) You just blew my mind. ...yes, five months later. - ajm
[+34] [2008-11-21 17:21:42] leppie

Jon Skeet can reopen closed question on SO :)

You got my last vote for that one. :) - Bill the Lizard
(4) this one is now completely true... In fact, Marc Gravell can now open them with no help at all :-P - Timothy Carter
[+31] [2008-11-22 02:35:07] Adam Davis

Jon Skeet can execute an infinite loop in 1.55 seconds - that's how long it takes for him to simulate a universe from birth to heat death.

[+31] [2008-11-22 21:19:03] eed3si9n
  • When Jon Skeet scribbles something on a napkin, it's encoded in UTF-8, well-formed XML, and is an ISO standard. He does not need to request for comments.

  • The truly serious hacker should consider learning C#, not Lisp. Because Jon Skeet wrote a book [1] on C#.

  • When Jon Skeet writes once, it does run everywhere. Regardless of the language.

  • Jon Skeet uses butterflies [2].

  • Jon Skeet reads your e-mail.


(3) +1 for “he does not need to request for comments.” - Konrad Rudolph
+1 for the butterflies :) - AviD
[+30] [2008-11-21 21:05:34] tj111
  • Modern DNS systems ask Jon Skeet for the best route to the host.
  • Any function written by Jon Skeet can only return 42. Co-workers have yet to report any errors caused by this.
  • Windows displays the BSOD when Jon Skeet nears it.
  • Jon Skeet programs in Binary, then compiles it into human-readable code.
  • Jon Skeet once wrote a program that segfaulted. There were no survivors.

[+29] [2009-04-07 21:54:30] Peter Perháč
  • Jon Skeet can make IE obey his CSS rules.

  • Jon Skeet writes poems. In Assembly.

  • Jon Skeet's comments compile and run as expected.

  • All of a CPU's ALUs and FPUs can be replaced by a singe JSU (Jon Skeet Unit).

(21) Jon Skeet is good, but NO ONE is good enough to make IE obey CSS rules! - SirDemon
(1) +1 for the IE still smiling - gsharp
[+28] [2008-11-21 23:42:59] FlySwat

When Jon Skeet calls a method, it fires, even if it doesn't exist. The C# team noticed this, and added the dynamic keyword into C# 4.0...Originally it was going to be called the jonskeet keyword.

lol lol lol lol lol - user131708
[+28] [2008-11-25 02:59:31] FlySwat



(12) Shouldn't that be JonSkeet.System? - Gamecat
@Gamecat yes it should ! - Yassir
[+26] [2008-11-21 21:04:08] JC.
  • Jon Skeet does not write code. He edits binaries by hand while they are running.
  • Jon Skeet invented C. When asked what he used to write it he replied "C++".

[+25] [2008-11-21 15:15:00] Dillie-O

Jon Skeet created the matrix using COBOL because he was bored.

[+24] [2009-01-20 22:30:36] Steven A. Lowe

i earned almost all of my reputation just by answering questions with "See Jon Skeet's answer"

(12) Aww, Jon Skeet's comment got deleted (I guess it wasn't 15 characters). For future reference, he said "So did I. :)". - mmyers
[+24] [2009-03-04 22:49:32] Wayne Koorts
  • Chuck Norris is Jon Skeet's retarded cousin.
  • Jon Skeet can divide by zero.
  • Unary operators happilly accept multiple operands from Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet can perform a low-level format on a hard drive simply by gently breathing on it.
  • Spyware has an awkward feeling that it's being watched.
  • When Jon Skeet finishes editing a question on Stack Overflow it auto-locks.
  • Whenever Jon Skeet's hands prep themselves to type a key on a keyboard, somewhere in the world a bug fixes itself.
  • Every time Jon Skeet clicks Post Your Answer an infertile woman conceives a child.
  • Jon Skeet is the only Stack Overflow user who is allowed to vote up his own answers.
  • Jon Skeet's answers don't have a vote down arrow.
  • Jon Skeet found 256 errors in TAOCP.

[+24] [2009-06-13 15:03:00] 0scar
  • Jon Skeet once wrote a switch-statement back in the 80s. He hasn't written one since because it's still serving all his switching needs, and yours too, had you only access to it.

  • When Jon Skeet stands up from his chair and walks over to the printer, his pyjamas creates enough static electricity to power a city. Too bad he never needs any print-outs.

  • Jon Skeet can easily and leisurely read 400 words per minute, write 40 lines of code per minute, play chess in his head, build a server from three C64s, juggle 7 oranges and repeatadly refresh his browser window, all at the same time, in perfect time slices of 10ms per task. (And yes, the oranges freeze in mid-air when Jon Skeet switches context, although it happends so fast, it looks perfectly smooth.)

  • Jon Skeet has 2 keyboards so that he can type at full speed on one while the other is cooling down.

  • Jon Skeet's desktop background is a picture of his desktop background. You wouldn't understand it even if you saw it.

  • Do you know why there's a shadow under your mouse cursor? Jon Skeet has hidden a small camera under it, so that he can see what you're clicking on.

[+22] [2008-11-21 15:04:40] cciotti

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar... and Jon Skeet is going to find out why...

[+22] [2008-11-23 00:04:40] Doug L.

Geico saved 0xf percent by switching to Jon Skeet.

[+21] [2008-11-21 22:22:00] Jason Miesionczek

Jon Skeet is the violent psychopath that knows where you live

[+21] [2008-11-22 18:49:10] user23743

When Jon Skeet programs in Forth, it automatically becomes First.

[+21] [2008-11-28 09:20:05] Bartosz Radaczyński

Jon Skeet can ROLLBACK after a successful COMMIT.

[+20] [2008-11-21 21:29:58] blizpasta
  • When you find a bug in Jon Skeet's code, you are wrong: it is a feature
  • There's no need to set the optimization flags when compiling Jon Skeet's code: it cannot be optimized further
  • For any problem, Jon Skeet's algorithm run faster than the theoretical lower bound

[+20] [2008-11-25 21:45:59] Craig
  • Jon Skeet already discovered the Higgs boson [1] using a 6th grade chemistry set and a laser pointer.
  • Jon Skeet renamed the Higgs boson to "Jon Skeet" so CERN [2] wouldn't find it.
  • Jon Skeet is developing a new game "Coding Hero" for us to play so we can pretend to be as cool as he is.
  • Jon Skeet has already defeated the Lich King, solo.
  • Jon Skeet's hard disk self-defragments, not by schedule but by fear.

(2) +1 for the "Coding Hero" game. I would really like to see such game! - Konamiman
haha - coding hero! - Matt
[+20] [2009-02-04 12:49:16] Aleksandar

Jon Skeet doesn't use compiler... he types executable files in notepad.

[+19] [2008-11-20 13:28:56] John the Seagull

Jon Skeet's wisdom is so profound that when he answers a question about C#, the world's accumulated knowledge about everything else increases by 50%.

Um, ...wouldn't that imply, by logic, that what Jon just said was dumb, and that he had unenlightened the rest of us on C# by half, making everything else in comparison become increasingly knowledgeable? - Pat
No. The amount of knowledge is not subject to a conservation law (it can absolutely increase). His C# answers are so good they permeate other subjects, thus increasing the total knowledge amount. - John the Seagull
[+19] [2008-12-03 08:36:57] Nicholas

Jon Skeet's keyboard has only two buttons: 1 and 0

(5) Only one key surely, pressed (1) and released (0), and input is done at a fixed frequency (a la serial comms). - Skizz
(3) last heard.. he got rid of that key too.. Its amazing what JS can do with reflection and blinking. :) - Gishu
That one key keyboard had a security problem,it was too fast,the frquency was in FM range so anyone could dump his source he changed it.he currently uses the two key keyboard. - Behrooz
[+19] [2008-12-26 11:41:49] Sandman

Q: Jon Skeet once challenged Jon Skeet to a coding contest. Who won?
A: Jon Skeet. Twice.

[+17] [2008-11-21 21:29:24] Judah Himango

Jon Skeet fixed PC Load Letter. ^ [1]


i was waiting for an OS quote! - Jason Miesionczek
+1 for Office Space reference - indyK1ng
[+17] [2008-11-26 22:02:38] Jeff Yates

Jon Skeet doesn't write answers in response to questions, he writes the answers then waits for the question to be asked.

[+17] [2008-12-01 11:24:16] leppie

Jon Skeet can bit-shift in 3 dimensions, not just left and right, but up/down, and forward/back too!

(4) ... not to mention quark, strangeness and charm. - Remou
+1 for Remou's comment. :) - HanClinto
Strangeness I've got, but charm? Hmm. - Jon Skeet
Better ask Mrs. Skeet ;-) - Gamecat
[+17] [2009-02-04 11:41:52] Gishu

Even the sponsors know that trying to compete with the man is futile!

alt text

and he'd already answered that question too... just to rub it in.

[+17] [2009-06-04 19:47:34] Chris
  • Jon Skeet's development workstation does not have a monitor. He never saw the point. In fact, the only reason he installed a video card is because the BIOS beep warning irritated his cat, who, by the way, also has more Rep than you.
  • Jon Skeet can appreciate music by opening an MP3 in a hex editor and reading it. He doesn't need a monitor for that either.
  • Jon Skeet can answer an incoming call from a modem, complete the handshake, then transmit files just by making sounds with his mouth. And he doesn't even look funny when he does this.
  • Jon Skeet's preferred method of image viewing is simply to look at the binary. For this reason he considers all graphics to be ASCII art.
  • There is no Dana, only Jon Skeet

(2) Nice. I once had a room mate who amazed our entire office by transferring files to a floppy disk at a DOS workstation with no monitor. - Bill the Lizard
(2) how the hell can he see mp3 hex bytes without a video card? - Behrooz
(1) @Behrooz - He's Jon Skeet. - Chris
[+17] [2009-09-17 17:57:46] fbrereto
  • Jon Skeet once wrote a bug in his code just to see what it was like.
    • Knuth has a check from Jon Skeet for $2.56 hanging on his wall.
  • The first post to Slashdot was "I for one welcome my Jon Skeet overlord."
    • Jon Skeet's Slashdot user id is a negative number.
  • When dragons write code they comment it with "Here be Jon Skeet".
  • In a debate between vi and emacs the winner would be Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet knows the fate of Schrödinger's cat.
  • The Turk [1] had to be explained as a hoax because no one could figure out how Jon Skeet was able to control it from the future.
    • Deep Blue [2] was really just a box concealing Jon Skeet.

(1) +1 for "Here be Jon Skeet". And for negative Slashdot user id. And for the bug found by Knuth. Why can't I upvote more than once? - mmyers
John skeet sets the constants of the universe so that it will evolve to contain the necessary butterflies. - user134495
+1 for the vi vs emacs one. and dragons. - snicker
I would have upvoted Jon Skeet knows the fate of Schrödinger's cat. but the rest is filler and/or duplicates - Perpetual Motion Goat
[+16] [2008-11-20 17:54:16] PhiLho

Jon Skeet is so fast he could count to infinity... twice!

(5) Aleph 0 or aleph 1... or higher? - Jon Skeet
(1) It must have been Aleph 0. I would have a hard time believing you counted to infinity Aleph 1 twice. :) - Bill the Lizard
ye of little faith... - Herms
Cool - learned something even from the tongue in cheek comments! - torial
(8) Jon Skeet cannot help teaching you, even in his tongue-in-cheek comments. - Bill the Lizard
[+16] [2008-11-21 22:05:28] Kevin

I once challenged Jon Skeet to a coding competition. He beat me so bad it caused me to travel back in time to ancient Greece. While I was there, I learned that they actually had SIX elements: Fire, Water, Earth, Air, Aether and Jon Skeet.

[+16] [2009-02-06 09:01:02] Ryan Bigg

Jon Skeet can determine the next random number in a sequence.

[+16] [2009-02-08 08:04:59] tsilb

Alan Turing is Skeet-Complete.

[+15] [2008-11-26 09:55:06] Valerion
  • Jon Skeet writes Java code that runs fast. The interpreter wouldn't dare run it slowly.
  • Jon Skeet invented Ruby as a joke.
  • There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who think they understand binary, and Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet is able to reverse the polarity of any magnet just by looking at it.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't need a firewall. Malicious packets are too scared to enter.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't own a television. He simply demodulates the RF signals directly in his brain.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't require a security fob. The door opens out of fear.

(6) Java is not exactly interpreted; it has a JIT compiler, just like C# does. (For the lay person, JIT stands for "Jon-Skeet In Time".) - mmyers
Fair enough, but I think it's more of an "NQIT" compiler - Not Quite In Time. - Valerion
[+15] [2009-02-11 04:18:08] Steven A. Lowe

I opened up a can of awesome the other day - it had Jon Skeet in it.

He made me close it, and call Dispose() on it.

I still don't get this one... - mmyers
@[mmyers]: It's like a can of Whoop-Ass, but far more awesome. - Steven A. Lowe
[+14] [2008-11-21 14:51:24] Robert S.

Jon Skeet doesn't pay respect. Respect pays Jon Skeet.

I've actually found him very polite and respectful, even when I've disagreed with him (which is not often). :) - Bill the Lizard
That's exactly my experience as well, and thus my inspiration for the "Norris-ism" here. :) - Robert S.
In Soviet Russia... - Eduardo León
[+14] [2008-11-21 15:19:20] Leonardo Herrera

Jon Skeet got an unobtanium badge.

And it's called 'Jon Skeet.'

(3) I like this one so much that I hope they really give him the badge. - Bill the Lizard
Well, at least the 'badge' idea has been reused a couple of times. Jon Skeet works in mysterious ways. - Leonardo Herrera
[+14] [2008-11-21 16:57:44] Igal Tabachnik

Jon Skeet can execute an infinite loop in 4 seconds.

(3) 4.3 seconds...he's not GOD you know. - Keng
(1) That's what he wants you to believe... - EricSchaefer
[+14] [2008-11-21 16:59:47] Skizz

Jon Skeet solves NP-Complete problems in O(0).

[+14] [2008-11-21 17:52:29] FlySwat

Jon Skeet cannot cause a null reference exception. If he points to null, an object materializes just for him.

[+14] [2008-11-21 18:33:37] Remou

Jon Skeet has a probability greater than 1.

[+14] [2008-11-28 22:31:05] Brent.Longborough
  • When the Googleplex gets temporarily short of disk space (as happens occasionally) they borrow a few petabytes from Jon Skeet's toaster.
  • The time arbiter of last resort for [1] is Jon Skeet's sundial.
  • Jon Skeet knows all of Bruce Schneier's passwords.
  • Jon Skeet has solved The Riddle of the Universe [2]

[+13] [2008-11-21 20:11:49] Konrad Rudolph

I was sooo close to closing this as an “exact duplicate” but I'm unable to find any related thread in the MS newsgroups. Can it really be that nobody had noticed before? ;-)

Anyway …

… Jon’s stack can’t overflow.

[+13] [2008-12-20 18:14:24] Andy Webb

Jon Skeet can write an operating system in machine language in binary using only 0s.

He had 0's? We had to use the letter "O" (Dilbert) - FUZxxl
[+13] [2009-02-08 14:28:51] Peter Morris

Jon Skeet is so fast that whenever light arrives somewhere new, Jon Skeet has already been there.

The only reason we didn't all die of the Y2K bug was because Jon Skeet was bored on new year's eve and decided to fix it.

[+13] [2009-02-08 20:40:57] DNS

Jon Skeet's reputation score is actually defined as a multiple of the second-highest score.

[+13] [2009-03-11 09:55:43] Alphaneo

Jon Skeet can decode and listen to an MP3 file just by seeing the binary ...

What's more, he can also read audio files encrypted with DRM - without the key. - uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN
[+12] [2009-02-04 12:00:17] Mark Pattison

All your base are belong to Jon Skeet.

[+12] [2009-03-26 21:31:04] Jay R.

Jon Skeet is the Stig [1].


[+12] [2009-05-07 02:44:44] RodeoClown

John Skeet will edit any post on the internet that spells his name incorrectly.

(27) ... except this one, obviously. - Jon Skeet
[+11] [2008-11-21 23:29:43] FlySwat

Jon Skeet can inherit a sealed class.

Actually he can't, because Jon Skeet ordered the classes sealed to protect him from himself. - Windows programmer
[+11] [2009-04-07 23:01:22] Eduardo León

Jon Skeet doesn't like binary, octal, decimal or hexadecimal. He has always performed his calculations in base 2i [1].


[+11] [2009-04-30 15:37:14] DD59

Even when the question doesn't make sense the Jon Skeet answer does.

[+11] [2009-06-21 03:39:59] Dano

Jon skeet can speak French in Russian.

[+10] [2008-11-21 15:51:37] Ozgur Ozcitak

Jon Skeet was once known as Mel Kaye [1].


[+10] [2008-11-21 17:05:51] StingyJack

Chuck Norris and Jon Skeet walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

(7) ...Jon Skeet walked out unharmed - Fry
[+10] [2008-11-21 19:49:21] FlySwat

Jon Skeet doesn't unit test.

Jon Skeet is the unit test.

[+10] [2008-11-22 06:25:02] Dan Malkinski

Jon Skeet is the open source alternative to Resharper

Jon Skeet has no need for SCRUM - Jon Skeet is a one-man waterfall.


To Jon Skeet Open Source, Closed source and non existing source is all the same.

[+10] [2008-11-25 23:02:14] Mike Akers

Jon Skeet wrote the very first working C# compiler in C#.

Jon Skeet plans to use SHA-3 as a very efficient compression algorithm.

Jon Skeet has no problems writing multithreaded code, whenever there's a race condition, he always wins.

Jon Skeet knows what "PC Load Letter" means

Jon skeet once wrote a production quality OS kernel using nothing but Microsoft Project

I love the first one! - Jonathan C Dickinson
[+10] [2008-11-27 15:22:47] Earwicker

Jon Skeet has proven that his toaster is monadic.

(4) Yup, it wanders over hills and into valleys, living off the land; a life of toast-making independence, free from the ties of a fixed abode. - Jon Skeet
(3) Oh, MONADIC. I've always had trouble with Ms and Ns... - Jon Skeet
Don't eat the red ones, they're full of B-numbers. - Earwicker
(1) This is now my highest rated answer. Sigh. - Earwicker
[+10] [2009-02-03 13:29:04] David Tischler

WOPR [1] actually said: "A strange game. The only winning move is not to play against Jon Skeet."


even then, you still lose and he wins. - Jay Atkinson
[+10] [2009-02-10 04:15:54] gnostradamus

I can't help but try out a few of my own:

  • Hofstadter's Law states: "It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account." Skeet's Law states: "When Jon Skeet needs something done, it will blink into existence already complete, regardless of any other laws you take into account. He then punches Hofstadter in the amygdala... ONLY the amygdala."

  • Jon Skeet has no heart. His brain pulsates strongly enough to circulate blood.

  • Jon Skeet was unhappy with binary, so he invented his own number system called "Skeetnary". It's a base-infinity system.

  • Jon Skeet once caused a stack overflow in his brain when he tried to comprehend his own greatness. We refer to it as "The Big Bang."

  • The first rule of Jon Skeet is "You do not talk about Jon Skeet!" The second rule... oh crap!... BOOM!!!... (Jon Skeet telepathically explodes gnovice's head)

[+10] [2009-02-20 01:01:43] alamodey

When Jon Skeet gets sent to /dev/null, he survives.

(2) oh my god.he is cross-platform. - Behrooz
[+9] [2008-11-21 14:57:02] Jason Z
  • Jon Skeet doesn't answer questions. He just looks at his keyboard and it begins typing out of fear.
  • Jon Skeet's tag [1] inspired the rest of the tags on the site.

[+9] [2008-11-21 20:04:55] user145540

Jon Skeet does not have to end his code statements with semi-colons.

Of course not, he uses a language which doesn't require it! :-) - Daniel Spiewak
the compiler puts it in for him out of fear - chakrit
(3) So: you idolize VB programmers? - Joel Coehoorn
[+9] [2008-11-26 05:46:48] Jonathan C Dickinson
  • If Jon-Skeet's program fails to compile they fix the compiler.
  • Jon-Skeet's has written a SCM platform of his own. It downloads code from his brain while he sleeps.
  • Jon-Skeet doesn't program, he just draws on the Code. A type of force in the universe that was spawned at his birth.
  • The original abacus wasn't invented. It was Jon-Skeet as a baby.


  • The halting problem was invented by Jon-Skeet. He sees it as a solution, not a problem.
  • Jon-Skeet helped the aliens invent the transistor.
  • Each strand of Jon-Skeet's hair is a CPU core. He has a tiny black hole in his brain where he stores data.
  • Jon-Skeet thought it may be funny to be able to prove that 1 != 1 when he invented mathematics.

  • Jon-Skeet doesn't sleep, he just serializes for a few hours.

  • The underflow [1] error thrown by (chuckNorris / jonSkeet) can never be caught or handled.

Even More

  • Microsoft is a JSVP (Jon Skeet Valued Professional)

upvote for the "doesn't sleep" item - Joel Coehoorn
i thought he waits.? - Behrooz
+1 for JSVP....... - Aravindhanarvi
[+9] [2010-04-26 23:41:54] T.Rob

While in the act of inventing recursion, Jon Skeet paused to invent recursion.

[+8] [2008-11-25 19:27:04] peacedog

Q: What language did God code the universe in?

A: None of them. God didn't code the universe, but rather asked Jon Skeet to do it. God said "please".

(2) That is blasphemous. But... amazing. - Jonathan C Dickinson
After giving up with trying to use perl. - user134495
[+8] [2008-11-26 15:23:16] Dillie-O

Mozilla originally wanted to name the "awesome bar" the "Skeet bar", but Jon thought that would be pushing things a little too much.

[+8] [2008-12-09 23:43:56] Nick

Jon Skeet handles all my exceptions

    // insert code here
catch(Exception ex)

Hehe, that is pure evil :>. - Jonathan C Dickinson
[+8] [2008-12-16 16:57:35] Jobi Joy

When Jon Skeet takes a break, SO Server comes to idle.

ROFLMAO! That is so true. - Steven A. Lowe
[+8] [2008-12-22 23:39:25] Steven A. Lowe

Q: how many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: none, Jon Skeet already changed them, all at once, with a generic recursive structure using reflection

[+8] [2009-02-06 08:43:12] mtod
  • MD5 checksum of 'Jon Skeet' is 'Jon Skeet'.
  • When Jon Skeet performs a select on a non-existing table, the DB engine creates it on-the-fly

#2 is really good. - Nick Masao
(7) I think I need to replace my computer... I keep getting 94a2e4c02f5c151aba35ea275c1270c0 - user134495
[+8] [2009-04-16 12:52:01] Michael Hinds

Jon Skeet could explain every answer to this question to your Mom.

[+8] [2009-04-17 02:16:38] MRFerocius

Jon Skeet is so good that he is the only guy allowed to use multiple inheritance in C#.

[+8] [2009-04-18 12:39:33] Giancarlo

Jon Skeet can do "undo" (^Z), even writing over a paper sheet!

(5) Except Jon Skeet never NEEDS to undo anything. He always gets it right first time. - Mark Pim
[+8] [2009-07-17 09:39:27] ftl

If Chuck Norris needs software, he will ask Jon Skeet to write it.

[+7] [2008-11-21 19:52:18] Robert Rossney

Jon Skeet is NP-complete.

[+7] [2008-11-21 20:01:51] Mario Ortegón

Jon Skeet's Map-Reduce implementation collapses the known universe into a singularity

Jon Skeet implemented an algorithm to reverse entropy

[+7] [2008-11-21 21:28:09] NeuroSys

Jon Skeet can compress 1GB of information into one byte.

Jon Skeet doesn't needs drivers, he tells the hardware what to do.

Jon Skeet's computer can't take viruses, they're too afraid of him.

Jon Skeet can speak to computers, because he compiles his thoughts.

When Jon Skeet needs an operating system, the OS writes himself.

[+7] [2008-11-21 22:11:14] sal

Jon Skeet creates Java classes that are both final and abstract.

[+7] [2008-11-21 22:21:02] Steve McLeod

For Jon Skeet, a stack overflow is nothing but a poorly capitalised name of a popular website for developers.

[+7] [2008-11-21 22:38:33] Dillie-O

Jon Skeet NEVER has to "su -root".

[+7] [2008-11-22 19:57:30] Doug L.

Jon Skeet wrote a compiler - and compiled himself.

[+7] [2008-11-23 21:30:15] Lasse V. Karlsen

Jon Skeet beat the boss at the last level of C#, and got every achievement possible, even a couple that was never added.

[+7] [2008-11-25 19:17:41] Lorenz Pretterhofer

Jon Skeet solved the halting problem.

(5) I might have done, or I might not. Your job is to determine the answer in a finite amount of time :) - Jon Skeet
[+7] [2008-12-09 21:57:45] Bill Echo

Jon Skeet didn't buy Code Complete. It's his life story.

[+7] [2008-12-23 16:05:33] Ricardo Acras

The guy who dared to downvote a Jon Skeet answere [1] lost hist right hand, the mouse ate it.


lol..loooved it ;-) - Omnipotent
[+7] [2009-01-28 19:06:29] Jeff Yates

Jon Skeet doesn't debug code, he rebugs it just to blend in.

[+7] [2009-04-02 19:29:05] Chris McCall

John Skeet took the H out of his name because it was "overly verbose". He was one day old at the time.

[+7] [2009-08-17 11:50:44] Sam152

Jon Skeet wasn't born, he was compiled.

[+6] [2008-11-21 19:52:34] plinth

Jon Skeet doesn't hit refresh on Stack Overflow - the SO database tweaks his neurons directly. He just hangs an event handler on the neurons.

[+6] [2008-11-25 14:47:18] Coderer
Console.WriteLine("C++" + 1);

Output: "C#"

Console.WriteLine("C#" + 1);

Output: "Jon Skeet"

[+6] [2008-11-25 21:23:24] Gavin Miller

Jon skeet owns the zebra [1]

+1 for circular references?


[+6] [2008-11-26 04:50:50] Doug L.

The ultimate recursive function call (language is not important, it will work):

   return JonSkeet();

(2) not only will it work, it will return the correct answer in the correct type - Steven A. Lowe
(2) StackOverflow is Jon Skeet, and JonSkeet() is StackOverflow. - mmyers
[+6] [2008-12-22 02:16:45] dj_segfault

Jon Skeet knows more than The Shadow

Jon Skeet can change the rate of decay of radioactive isotopes

Jon Skeet invented sliced bread

All SETI@home and Folding@home packet submissions are verified by Jon Skeet

Jon Skeet is better than Cats

Santa asks Jon Skeet who has been naughty and nice

All your [code]base are belong to Jon Skeet! - user134495
[+6] [2008-12-30 15:11:38] Charles Faiga

Jon Skeet gets reputation so fast that his reputation counter has had an overflow error

His reputation was over 22K now it’s 18.2K

[+6] [2009-02-10 17:20:51] mmyers

Bugs check their code for Jon Skeet.

[+6] [2009-03-03 07:50:07] Kunal S
  • Jon has already invented waterproof electricity.. oh sorry.. it's electriskeety..

  • When Jon walks, actually earth revolves such that Jon seems moving ahead.

  • All the solutions to a given problems are derived from Jon and overrides static method called JonSkeet.SolveThis();

  • Anti-matter is something Jon created after realizing that Jon should matter to the matter.

  • White is actually a concentrated light emitting from Jon after all colors bow to him and get merged in each other.

[+6] [2009-03-12 22:51:34] jdmichal

Jon Skeet has been AFK for about 10 years. That is when he finished scripting his computer to perform all the actions he would have taken over his remaining lifetime.

[+6] [2009-04-13 05:09:29] GogaRieger

Jon Skeet don't use conditional jumps. He dictates what will happen at runtime.

[+6] [2009-05-07 19:26:49] kentaromiura

Ok, the following are all translation from the Vero Programmatore's Blog (Real Programmer)

Sorry for the typos and the grammar horrors. btw:

  • Somebody tells JS that is it impossible to calculate the determinant of a rectangular matrix, then JS explain him that, in fact, it is possible ... only that is a not document function.

  • JS can calculate the determinant of a LCD Matrix

  • JS can escape from a serial killer simply turning off his COM ports

  • Just before going to sleep JS exclaim sleep(0x7080).

  • JS eats Silicon Wafers

  • When JS plays at Final Fantasy 7, he made Aeris revive.

  • When JS was a boy he built a house on a binary tree.

  • JS can count up to 1024 with his finger

  • JS made, for his girl, a Perl array.

  • the first word JS learnt to say was: "Hello, world!"

  • JS have a picture in his home with this sentence: " sweet"

  • JS end all his sentences with the semicolon; even when he speaks;

  • While just about everybody can clean their browser cache, only JS can clean the Google cache.

  • JS never press CTRL-Z while he develop, ever! In fact he reassign that shortcuts for launching America's Army

  • in the late 1989 JS used to call himself Joshua on usenet

  • JS can install Vista on a PC with the mininum hardware requirements requested by MS.

  • JS's PC has passed the Turing Test.

  • JS's Car have 2 keys, a public one and a private one.

A nice one, amongst others, JS can install Vista on a PC with the mininum hardware requirements requested by MS. :D - MasterPeter
A obvious one, that I didn't write of is that JS don't eat quiche ... - kentaromiura
It's actually possible to count to 1024 on your fingers. - Corey
[+6] [2009-06-14 07:31:07] Ape-inago

In an an early attempt at V8, Google(tm) renamed 'JavaScript' to 'JonSkeet', but quickly reverted the name when it started breaking holes in the space time continuum... The svn's revision had this note:

  "author" : "universe",
  "bug-fix" : {
    "ID" : "84",
    "title" : "missing exception on divide by zero"
  "change-summary" : "reverted name",
  "comment" : "Jon Skeet can divide by zero.",

shamelessly ripped the actual comment "John Skeet can devide by zero." - Ape-inago
[+5] [2008-11-21 17:04:33] Skizz

Jon Skeet doesn't need a keyboard or mouse, he just induces the transistors in the CPU to flip with the power of his mind.

[+5] [2008-11-21 21:51:36] Nick

Who is Jon Skeet?
What do we really know about him?
Is he a socialist?
He keeps spreading the knowledge around

[+5] [2008-11-21 22:09:47] argonide

Jon Skeet can sort in O(n*log(log(n))

(2) i think he can sort in O(1) - Onur Bıyık
(1) I think he can sort in O(0) ... - Pop Catalin
Jon Skeet solves everything in O(logJ(n)) where logJ is the Skeet logarithm. It turns out O(logJ(n)) is infinitely faster than O(0) ;-) (from ) - opyate
[+5] [2008-11-22 01:15:31] David Robbins

Jon Skeet: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?

Morpheus: No, Jon. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

[+5] [2008-11-23 03:36:09] Christian Vest Hansen

God wrote the universe in Perl [1]. Jon Skeet wrote God in SKI [2].


[+5] [2008-11-26 05:29:55] Maltrap
  • Superman has a pair of Jon Skeet pyjamas.
  • Jon Skeet counted to infinity - twice
  • Jon Skeet can speak braile
  • Jon Skeet divides by zero
  • The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he made a mistake
  • Jon Skeet's hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush

These are directly off of the Chuck Norris site, with the possible exception of the one about braile [sic]. - I Have the Hat
(1) Most of them we also mentioned already, and at least one was mentioned better; it should be, "Jon Skeet divides by zero twice." - Joel Coehoorn
Fair enough, these aren't mine originally, but they are funny you must agree. Tell you what, I'll downvote myself, would that make you happier? - Maltrap
[+5] [2008-11-26 09:10:04] Gishu

Instead of a BSOD, Windows Azure sends a Skeet-Signal [1] into the clouds.


[+5] [2008-12-13 19:16:23] Andrew Rollings

Jon Skeet has proof-read the internet...

... and found it wanting.

[+5] [2008-12-20 19:38:10] Manuel Ferreria

Inside Microsoft, Just-In-Time compilation is called Jon-In-Time.

[+5] [2008-12-23 14:30:09] Will Harris

If you get too close to Jon Skeet, you lose 6000 points.

[+5] [2008-12-24 15:11:24] Steven A. Lowe
  • jon skeet knows the sound of one hand clapping, and uses it as a metronome to calibrate atomic clocks.
  • jon skeet can kill batman and superman with a single subroutine call.
  • jon skeet needs no bug-tracking system because he has no bugs.
  • jon skeet wins all race conditions - unconditionally.

As an aside, and not as a Skeet joke: I've never understood the "one hand clapping" thing. I can clap both hands independently, as can most of my family. You just have to wave them really fast and relax the joints. - mmyers
@[mmyers]: clap your two hands together very very slowly, so that it makes almost no sound. Then repeat the motion one hand at a time and listen closely to the sound of no sound. That's the Zen of the thing. You're talking about the sound of one hand flopping! ;-) - Steven A. Lowe
I see (well, almost). - mmyers
[+5] [2008-12-26 11:30:53] Omnipotent

Here comes more...

  • Outer space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet with Jon

  • Jon Skeet is so fast that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of his head

  • Jon Skeet doesn't wear a watch - He decides what time is it!!

  • Jon Skeet can slam a revolving door ;-)

  • Jon Skeet once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills and made him blink

I think I'm possessed by Jon Skate 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01110010 01101001 01110100 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01100101 01110011 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100101 01101100 01110000 00100000 01101001 01110100 00101110 00101110 I'm back to normal..

For the curious: "as what ever I write comes out in binary, I just can't help it.." - mmyers
[+5] [2009-01-09 13:00:29] Markus Lausberg
  • The one who down voted Jon Skeet was never seen again

[+5] [2009-01-09 18:37:24] Oscar Cabrero


[+5] [2009-02-05 02:44:05] some

Google translate fears his name [1]: "Jon Skeet" is translated to "Jon $ keet $"


[+5] [2009-02-06 10:22:28] David Trasbo

Jon skeet knows WHY the meaning of life is 42. It's not mentioned in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy because Douglas Adams did not dare to ask.

[+5] [2009-02-10 14:11:51] Niki

Jon Skeet was once asked to review the software of the US nuclear defense program. Naturally, he wasn't allowed to see the source code for security reasons or talk to anyone who wrote it. He still found 3 bugs in it, that would probably have lead to world destruction by now.

[+5] [2009-03-05 07:46:57] Daniel X Moore
  • Jon Skeet has the gold jon-skeet badge: Earned 1000 upvotes for answers in the jon-skeet tag

[+5] [2009-04-24 19:50:23] Justin Niessner

Even Jesus has a "WWJD" shirt..."What would Jon do?"

[+5] [2009-04-30 12:22:36] littlechris

Did you know that Jon Skeet answers each google search personally?

[+5] [2009-05-04 09:34:00] pomarc

Jon Skeet could teach c# to Paris Hilton, and he could get her a reputation of 1k on SO.

(1) :D you should capture THAT in a video and post it on U-tube, it would possibly get more views than that shabby porn of hers... - MasterPeter
(1) Can't you make it at least SEMI-believable? - mmyers
[+5] [2009-07-03 13:16:59] Doctor Jones

Jon Skeet is the real Stig [1]!


[+5] [2010-03-12 16:02:08] Sam152

Jon Skeet can parse HTML with regular expressions.

[+5] [2010-04-16 03:25:01] uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN

Here is my humble attempt(s):


  • Jon Skeet can encode HD video with his toaster.
  • Jon Skeet can run Visual Studio on his Mac.
  • Jon Skeet once traveled faster than the speed of light in a vacuum. Then he sped up a bit.


  • Jon Skeet had a PC with Windows ME installed on it that had an uptime of 24 consecutive months.
  • Jon Skeet can make a webpage that looks the same in ALL browsers - even IE6!
  • Jon Skeet can make Windows POSIX-compliant.
  • Unlike most, Jon Skeet can get > 1 Mbps out of his Internet connection on Windows.


  • Jon Skeet once got bored and made HTML Turing-Complete.
  • Jon Skeet can create a decent looking website using DIVs instead of tables.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't use the w3c validator, the w3c validator uses Jon Skeet.


  • Jon Skeet can write a RegEx that will match against a syntactically correct Perl script.


  • import jon_skeet is the only import in all of Skeet's scripts - it includes everything.
  • All of Jon Skeets code runs unmodified in Python 2 and 3.


  • Jon Skeet once created two functions that differed only by their return type - and the compiler happily compiled the code and knew which one to invoke each time.

+1, I love "Jon Skeet can write a RegEx that will match against a syntactically correct Perl script" - The Unhandled Exception
"Jon Skeet can run Visual Studio on his Mac" ...? Us mortals can do that too. - Perpetual Motion Goat
(1) @Perp: ...but I'm referring to the original Apple Macintosh. - uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN
[+5] [2010-07-07 20:27:16] NickAldwin

Jon Skeet will pause time rather than shorten his presentations.

( verified source [1])


[+4] [2008-11-21 22:34:34] Joel Coehoorn
  • Jon Skeet invented the internet.
  • Jon Skeet knows the question that goes with '42'. He also knows the answer, and Douglas Adams reported it wrong: it's Jon Skeet.

I wonder if this will make the podcast?

I was wondering about the podcast too. I was thinking about recording something to send in. Not sure what though. - Jon Skeet
What do you know: they did notice ;) - Joel Coehoorn
[+4] [2008-11-22 04:47:18] Ovidiu Pacurar

Jon Skeet knows the perfect answer to any question anyone will ever ask because GOD told him the administrator password of the machine that the entire universe runs on.

Jon Skeet created and let Jeff Atwood take the credit so that other users won't think he uses a cheat to increase his rep.

so what is its ip? - Behrooz
@Behrooz ! - chown
[+4] [2008-11-24 04:54:55] Fry

Jon Skeet is so powerful even HE can't list all his amazing attributes in one post!

(1) A classic paradox!! - AR
[+4] [2008-12-03 18:56:13] Kyle Cronin

On a horse made of crystal Jon Skeet patrols the land,
  with a Mason Ring and schnauzer in his perfect hands.

He once held an opponent's wife's a jar of acid a party.

edit: It's from here [1].


(2) because (a) it's not funny, (b) the context is not obvious, and (c) it seems to advocate violence against women. - Steven A. Lowe
I'll admit that it should have included a link to the video initially, but I don't think that it's unfunny given the context. As far as the advocation of violence against women... I suggest you not take everything you read at face value, especially in this thread. - Kyle Cronin
(1) i watched the video so i now have the context - i guess there's no accounting for taste... the video is juvenile and sick, and not the good kind of 'hip' sick, more like the wtf-is-wrong-with-you sick. So now this post is even more offensive because it makes me think of that stupid video. - Steven A. Lowe
(2) Aaargh! now that #@$% song is stuck in my head! out! out! out! - Steven A. Lowe
[+4] [2008-12-24 15:49:40] DevStash

Jon Skeet never debugs code. His keyboard doesn't have the F5 key nor does his IDE have the "Start with Debugging" option.

[+4] [2009-01-06 23:59:00] Click Ok

For linuxers:

SUDO = Skeet User Did a Order

[+4] [2009-01-07 05:14:53] user132870
  • Jon Skeet wrote a copy protection system that even Jon Skeet couldn't hack.
  • Jon Skeet programmed his refrigerator to also work as a Microwave.
  • Jon Skeet's firewall subjects data packets to severe interrogation before letting them through.
  • Jon Skeet also designed a better search algorithm than Google. Now Google is paying him to keep it under wraps.
  • If Jon Skeet designed semiconductor chips, he'd make Moore's law seem like snail-pace.
  • Jon Skeet can answer every question on SO before one of us can read them.
  • Heck! Jon Skeet can answer a question before it occurs to the guy who asked it.

[+4] [2009-01-08 16:34:42] Ates Goral

Jon Skeet knows more about jQuery than John Resig does.

[+4] [2009-01-16 01:40:07] abelenky

Jon Skeet's infinite loops complete in finite time.

Jon Skeet's recursive functions need no base-case; they know when their work is done.

Jon Skeet's recursive algorithms don't overflow the stack; they build a bigger stack.

[+4] [2009-01-27 18:30:03] George Mauer

As of C# 4.0 all void methods will actually return JonSkeet

And what is the JonSkeet class?

public class JonSkeetTests {
  public void Cannot_instantiate_JonSkeet {
    var a = new JonSkeet();

  public void Cannot_add_to_JonSkeet_knowledge {
    JonSkeet.Eternal.AddKnowledge(new Fact());

Not that JonSkeet would ever use a static property as an accessor to a singleton

Love the new Type JonSkeetAlreadyKnewThatYouFoolException. +1 - Gishu
[+4] [2009-01-30 16:38:13] AnthonyWJones

There is only one question that Jon Skeet struggles to answer:-

"How do you feel?...How do you feel?...How do you feel?"

(Now then, how many developers get the reference and how many are prepared to own up to it?).

I want to say "Star Trek: The Search for Spock" but it may have been "The Voyage Home" where he was still going around acting wonky from having been reborn on the Genesis planet. Thanks for reminding me I need to watch these again. :) - Bill the Lizard
Computer: "How do you feel? How do you feel? How do you feel?" Spock: "I do not understand the question." --"STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390 - Allain Lalonde
He feels fine. //15 characters - user134495
[+4] [2009-03-19 11:09:54] MrValdez

During Joel Spolsky and Jeff Atwood's live podcast, Jon Skeet passed by. His reputation points tripled that day.

(2) No, you mean their reputation points tripled, not his! - Jay Atkinson
[+4] [2009-05-22 05:56:44] egaga

Jon Skeet answers correctly before you can wholly formalize your question.

[+4] [2009-06-14 09:14:31] abmv
  1. Brad Adams used to consult Jon Skeet.
  2. Analysis of Jon Skeet's DNA revealed C# code.
  3. Jon Skeet's can run Full Text Search of MSDN from his mind.
  4. Jon Skeet is an A.I Program running on created by Jeff Atwood.

[+4] [2009-06-14 09:28:03] erenon

JonSkeet === 42   //true
Jon Skeet IS the Answer.

[+4] [2009-07-26 06:55:28] Thilo

He makes sure that new questions on Stackoverflow appear on the first page of Google thirty minutes before they have been asked.

[+4] [2009-10-01 16:17:54] The Chairman

Encyclopedia Britannica lookup for "rhetorical question":

rhetorical question n
  1. a statement that is formulated as a question but that is not supposed to be answered
  2. a SO question from Jon Skeet

[+4] [2009-11-13 16:13:06] Mark Embling
  • Jon Skeet has no need for backups. If his hard drives fails, he restores his files from memory.
  • Jon Skeet types at Warp 10 [1], which isnt even possible.
  • Jon Skeet never needs to query databases - they are already asking him what he wants.

(1) I don't think that a hard drive owned by Jon Skeet will ever dare to fail. - Konamiman
[+4] [2009-12-22 13:50:34] bniwredyc

When Jon Skeet calls ToString() method on object which is null the method returns "null"

[+4] [2010-01-16 23:34:52] rightfold

Jon Skeet does not need open source software. He just looks at the binary's filesize and decompiles it by hand.

[+4] [2010-04-08 02:29:23] MPelletier
  • The Turing test is just a practice run for the Skeet test.
  • Jon Skeet only earns his SO reputation from his community wiki answers. (in a spirit of fairness to other SO users).
  • This one time, Jon Skeet got bored. He wrote up 15 NP-impossible problems, proved they could not be resolved, and resolved them. They are all still valid NP-impossible.
  • BSOD's amuse Jon Skeet, because he can read the memory.
  • Quantum physics holds as a point of reference that the computational power required to determine the energy of every single particle in the universe, at any moment, is equal to 1 skeet.
  • Jon Skeet saw Avatar in 3D without glasses: he doesn't need them.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't waste time playing video games, he just glances at the medium they are on (cd, dvd, etc), sees the bits, and enjoys them like so.
  • In the movie Wargames, WOPR learns futility by playing several games of tic-tac-toe against itself. Any sufficiently advanced AI can learn futility by playing a single game against Jon Skeet.
  • Sliced bread is the best thing since Jon Skeet.
  • If Jon Skeet's C# code does not compile, he reports the error (and the fix) to Microsoft, and they roll out a patch.
  • Jon Skeet can, in case of need, compile code with Notepad.

+1 for the NP-impossible one - uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN
+1 Haha nice one about enjoying the bits right of the disc of a video game. - Paulpro
[+4] [2010-05-19 22:20:59] Jaec

BigInteger isn't big enough to calculate Jon Skeet's reputation.

[+3] [2008-11-21 23:12:08] Paul Brinkley

When Dahl and Nygaard first thought about object-oriented languages, it was actually just as a way to talk about data storage. It only became programming after they heard Jon Skeet deliver a sermon on Methodism.

[+3] [2008-11-22 02:00:01] seanb

Jon Skeet knows NP-Complete before he sees it,
and is only holding back the proof of P?=NP for the sake of humanity.

[+3] [2008-11-22 05:10:30] Tim Merrifield

When Jon Skeet uses the Pumping lemma [1]...uhhhhhh...ummmm...oh never mind


(1) I'll try. When Jon Skeet uses the pumping lemma, an infinite language of a given class no longer belongs to that class. It belongs to Jon Skeet. - Bill the Lizard
[+3] [2008-11-25 02:49:46] Hoffmann

All Exceptions inherit from NotJonSkeetException.

Jon Skeet uses Emacs (take that vi users).

Jon Skeet registers do not use Flip-Flops, he uses atoms.

Jon skeet rewrote the earth in 6 days, in pure binary.

Jon Skeet may never raise an exception, exceptions raises Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet has the Minority Report computer, in fact he was the one who built it.

Jon Skeet can divide per 0, twice, while juggling.

Jon Skeet once saved the planet from a computer virus he wrote himself, be grateful!

4A 6F 6E 53 6B 65 65 74 43 61 6E 52 65 61 64 54 68 69 73

(1) 4A 6F 6E 53 6B 65 65 74 43 61 6E 52 65 61 64 54 68 69 73 == JonSkeetCanReadThis - Hoffmann
I have removed the quote about "p*rn", because I find it really offensive. - Hosam Aly
I have rolled back Hosam Aly's edit. Porn exists, get used to it. There is nothing offensive about the word. Don't edit somebody else's words just because you don't like them. - MrZebra
@MrZebra: it exists, no one said otherwise. But this doesn't mean you could associate it to anyone! Privacy matters! - Hosam Aly
(6) I'm rolling them back, as I find it inappropriate, and it's written about me. - Jon Skeet
Oh I didn't realize that jokes had to be pre-approved - MrZebra
[+3] [2008-11-25 13:57:16] hellweaver666

In the marvel comics universe, there is only one metal harder than Adamantium - Jonskeetium

This might be a little obscure to some, but I'm geek enough to get it. :) - Bill the Lizard
Maybe JS should get a pic out in his super-costume (bunny slippers n all) with Jonskeetium claws - Gishu
[+3] [2008-11-25 15:01:39] Rik
  • The SO user called Jon Skeet is not actually Jon Skeet. It's just a bot he has written to pass the Turing Test.
  • Jon Skeet also defined a similar test, called the Skeet Test. It asks people who are communicating with 2 agents, one of which is a person and one of which a computer, to determine which one is the computer. If the human can convince the test subject that he is the computer, he passes. Only Jon Skeet can pass.

Not to nit pick, but I think you mean "actually not jon skeet" in your first point. Anyway, I lol'd. - peacedog
Thanks! Edited for correctness. - Rik
[+3] [2008-11-25 18:44:05] Iain Holder

All of Jon Skeet's code compiles immediately.

If there is any delay whatsoever, it's the binary working out if it is worthy to be in his presence.

[+3] [2008-11-25 19:34:21] Michael Stum

Stack Overflow is Jon Skeet - and You.

I would argue that Stack Overflow is Jon Skeet - and you. - Bill the Lizard
Now that you mention it... It indeed makes more sense that way, I've edited it :) - Michael Stum
[+3] [2008-11-28 21:18:37] splattne

It is not a coincidence that


is an anagram of "Jon Skeet" [1].


[+3] [2008-12-02 18:48:06] Logicalmind

Thanksgiving gives thanks for Jon Skeet.

[+3] [2008-12-03 22:50:08] LeopardSkinPillBoxHat

Despite what Steve McConnell thinks, "elongated stream," "retroactive synapse," and "value chain" are all real data types. It's just that Jon Skeet is the only one who knows how to use them.

Oh that's good!! lol - HBoss
[+3] [2008-12-05 17:16:59] Robert Iver

Jon Skeet is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

If you were able to travel at the speed of light inside your car and then you turned on the headlights, you would see Jon Skeet's face.

The "Big Bang" occured when Jon Skeet and God were arm-wrestling and Jon Skeet won.

Jon Skeet always gives 130% of coding effort into every program he writes. Yes, this is possible.

[+3] [2008-12-09 05:55:44] Oscar Cabrero

Jon Skeet doesnt have a DEV environment he Develops entirely in production

[+3] [2008-12-09 23:39:42] Nick

Jon Skeet is what Jon Skeet does

(2) jon skeet is the answer - hallelujah! - Steven A. Lowe
[+3] [2008-12-22 02:45:19] Tom Wijsman

Just an attempt at inventing some...

  • Jon Skeet doesn't encounter DivisionByZeroException,
    he encounters MultiplyByInfinityException.

  • Jon Skeet doesn't use asserts! The asserts use Jon Skeet.

  • The main function in Jon Skeet's program returns Jon Skeet!

  • When there is a Stack Overflow, Jon Skeet will be probably be at the bottom pushing.

  • Jon Skeet doesn't need paging, he provides the pages himself.

  • Before a game has been written, Jon Skeet has already finished playing the last level.

  • Jon Skeet doesn't need Windows, he uses bullet-proof glass!

  • When there is a water flood, Jon Skeet uses his firewall...

  • XML does not exist for Jon Skeet, he uses generic templates to read data.

  • Jon Skeet doesn't write unit tests, nobody uses his code.

  • Standards are useless for Jon Skeet, his code extends all limits!

  • Jon Skeet doesn't use threads... He uses ropes!

  • Jon Skeet = Infinity + 1

  • Jon Skeet makes programmers idiots, and idiots programmers.

[+3] [2008-12-22 19:49:25] karlgrz

When Jon Skeet appears on Jeopardy none of his answers are in the form of a question.

[+3] [2009-01-06 01:04:37] Rauhotz

Jon Skeet gets speedups of 3 on a dual-core.

When you play chess with Jon Skeet, he checkmates you in one move.

Once Jon Skeet and Anders Hejlsberg walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Jon Skeet programs are only a list of dwim() statements ... and they work. (

[+3] [2009-01-21 10:07:16] Peter McG

All Google search results are generated by Jon Skeet when he sleeps

Jon Skeet invented the Internet "for a laugh"

When SO goes down it's because Jon Skeet blinked

Pixar's RenderMan farms are powered by an email from Jon Skeet

Jon Skeet never needs to use the if statement, he already knows the result

Jon Skeet's first program proved that the Loop Quantum Cosmology theory is true and we live in a recycled universe with no big bang. He later said it was either that or Hello World...

[+3] [2009-01-26 14:29:58] asp316

System.Object inherits from Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet wrote the Matrix during his coffee break.

+1 for inheritance - Kyle G
[+3] [2009-01-26 15:57:22] littlegeek

Jon Skeet really is from the future 25th Centry

Skeets arrived from the 25th Century ...used this knowledge to become Jon Skeet on StackOverflow... Skeets was apparently ...kept in storage (where he killed time surfing and creating the Internet and solving questions like only he knows =>)

[+3] [2009-01-28 17:12:41] Steven A. Lowe

Jon Skeet doesn't work for google, Jon Skeet is google

[+3] [2009-02-02 12:25:32] Nathan Fellman

Jon Skeet is not a data point

[+3] [2009-02-05 04:16:11] lock

in response to my closed question here [1]
Your system will hang up when you press ctrl-c after highlighting over Jon Skeet


[+3] [2009-02-08 20:30:16] tsilb

The laws of physics do not apply to Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet does not comment his code. His code is self-documenting -- And not in the way you might think.

Jon Skeet writes software using COPY CON.

When Google can't match a search term, they call Jon Skeet via a webservice and ask him.

[+3] [2009-02-20 04:06:12] alamodey

Jon Skeet spends his free day at Google answering questions on Stack Overflow, and still has ample time to work on his own projects.

this is quite possibly the dumbest response i have ever seen - theman_on_vista
i mean, where is the punchline? LOL - theman_on_vista
[+3] [2009-03-11 09:34:37] axel_c

A slashdot-like fact:

In Soviet Russia, Jon Skeet asks YOU!!!!!

[+3] [2009-03-19 00:59:56] MRFerocius

Jon Skeet is so damn good that he executed this piece of code

  int i = 0;

in 3 seconds!!

Sorry to burst your bubble, but is that supposed to be C/C++? If so, it's not valid code. You need a condition in the while loop. - LeopardSkinPillBoxHat
That's why he is so good. - SurDin
This is an infinite loop. While(1) evaluates to true! - Vaibhav Garg
what's impressive is that the code completed? - Jeffrey Kemp
[+3] [2009-04-16 13:20:47] Shabbazz

After apes and humans failed God's final experiment succeeded: Jon Skeet.

[+3] [2009-06-10 09:00:51] Łukasz Lew

Jon Skeet has a blood type C Rh#

Nice. I would have guessed C#, but definitely in the C family. :) - Bill the Lizard
[+3] [2009-06-15 06:25:14] Prashant

Every questions in SO is created with a default answer from Jon Skeet

[+3] [2009-06-15 09:50:26] Colin

Jon Skeet rejects reality and replaces it with his own.

(2) Cue MythBusters music... - Robert Harvey
[+3] [2009-06-30 16:04:59] Anon

When Jon Skeet was born, the doctor slapped Donald Knuth.

When other kids where saying "Why, Mommy?", Jon Skeet was saying "Y Combinator."

When Jon Skeet is near, Hacker News contributers forget to suck up to Paul Graham.

Jon Skeet's expertise in other languages is the only thing standing between us and Lisp World Domination.

Jon Skeet is what Alan Kay had in mind.

Jon Skeet writes unit tests for all his code, including all his unit tests (not because he needs to - just to keep Uncle Bob off balance).

Jon Skeet doesn't shave yaks. Yaks shave Jon Skeet.

If Jon Skeet wrote your hobby programming project, your girlfriend would think it more than just a weird waste of time.

+1 for Object Oriented Jon Skeet - perbert
[+3] [2009-08-06 03:22:00] JohnFx

Jon Skeet has reached the "kill screen" on five Stack Exchange sites including one that hasn't launched yet.

[+3] [2009-08-09 12:46:02] alexanderpas
  • The proper name for a root account is Jon Skeet.
  • when Jon Skeet uses Ubuntu, he doesn't have to type sudo, ubuntu automatically adds it before each command that requires it.

  • When Jon Skeet plays "Simon Says" Simon loses by default.

  • Answered by Jon Skeet is a valid reason to close a thread.

  • Jon Skeet checks this thread regulary, which is not a hard thing to do.

(1) Regarding Ubuntu, the real master command is not sudo, but jsdo. - MPelletier
[+3] [2009-09-24 17:27:29] Roberto Aloi

Whenever you search for something in Google, Jon Skeet is manually producing all the answers and the paging at the bottom. Also, is manually painting all the "o" at the bottom of the page in real time.

[+3] [2009-10-19 19:21:52] user134495
  • Jon Skeet wrote the universe as a hobby project.

  • If you write a piece of code and then Jon Skeet writes identical code, Jon Skeet's code will run many times faster, have a smaller memory footprint, and have a much smaller binary.

  • You can write FORTRAN in any language; but Jon Skeet can write python in malbolge.

  • Jon Skeet once hacked a Powerbook 5300 using nothing but an abacus.

  • It is written in the book of knuth that the end of the world shall begin with the creation of competition that combines programming with martial arts. It is there that Chuck Norris, Avatar of Destruction, and Jon Skeet, Avatar of Knowledge shall meet. It is said that a meeting of these great titans would cause the universe to end in a monumentus battle that will persist till beyond the the end of time.

  • Instead of 'Hello, World!' Jon Skeet's first program outputted 'Let there be light'

  • Some programmers use nano, others use emacs, others use vim, or even ed. But the great use a magnetized needle and a steady hand, the truly great use butterflies, and the greatest of them all set the universal constants at the start such that the universe evolves to contain the disk with the data they want. Jon Skeet sets the constants at the beginning of the universe so that it will evolve to contain the necessary butterflies.

[+3] [2009-11-23 21:37:37] Manu

Jon Skeet asked the question for which the answer is 42.

[+3] [2009-11-27 06:35:17] gbn

"All your base are belong to Jon Skeet"

[+3] [2009-12-12 22:59:37] Alon Gubkin

MSDN's homepage is Jon Skeet.

[+3] [2010-01-24 10:35:06] Vivek

1.Jon Skeet once debugged a program he never saw, He mailed his Russian friend saying "you forgot to call the update() method in the orders form" he was right

2.Jon Skeet once sneezed out came "LINQ"

3.He doesn't sleep he spins wait.

4.Compiler outputs are actually replies from E-mails to Jon Skeet

5.When you down vote J S's answer a phenomenon called "Skeetastrophy" happens resulting in any of the following

  • your System Abruptly Shuts down,
    You're Reputation decreases by 75%
    You'll forget who you are.

to be Continued (credit also goes to Phil Haack's Comment on Scott Hanselman)

@Douglas Leeder, thanks for the edit, stupid me. I just cant believe my ignorance. - Vivek
[+3] [2010-02-07 08:34:58] IAbstract
  1. Jon Skeet sent Asimov [1] the 3 laws [2]
  2. Jon Skeet is the ghost in the machine
  3. Jon Skeet wrote Mac OS X in QBasic [3]
  4. I have a Jon Skeet screen-saver - it locked me out
  5. Jon Skeet on existentialism, "Did you download my screen-saver yet?"
  6. Jon Skeet is the pattern from which all other patterns emerge
  7. The first human to have a legitimate Q&A fan-site [4].

[+3] [2010-05-26 20:45:53] Vaccano

Jon Skeet has more badges than I have cast votes (Up + down)

[+2] [2008-11-21 18:04:16] Bruno
On Error Resume Next = Jon Skeet Coding

[+2] [2008-11-21 22:22:33] Steve McLeod

Jon Skeet is not a person. He is a panel of legendary programmers in disguise.

That's what he wants you to think. - Jon Skeet
The panel of legendary programmers IS Jon Skeet - Fry
Nice Homer reference!!! - Keng
[+2] [2008-11-25 02:39:09] Steven A. Lowe

first there was Structured Programming, then CASE Tools, then Object-Oriented Programming, but it is clear now that the ultimate and final Next Big Thing is: Jon Skeet-Oriented programming

also known as JSOP, and practiced religiously by a chosen few, JSOP will be revealed to the world at the next Turing Award ceremony (also known as the "Jon Skeet Fan Club Annual Celebration")

[+2] [2008-11-28 13:08:00] Miguel Ping
  • ALL microprocessor instructions are ordered from Jon Skeet, real-time.

[+2] [2008-12-09 23:46:18] Nick

Jon Skeet is Jason Bourne

And James Bond. - Bill the Lizard
And Bill Gates clone that has been infiltrated to GooglePlex - Daok
[+2] [2008-12-16 01:46:33] CAD bloke

The universe is Jon Skeet's stack.

(2) The universe isn't big enough to be Jon Skeet's stack. It's going to overflow. - Windows programmer
[+2] [2009-01-09 13:25:50] z -

There are no NP problems, those are just the ones that Jon Skeet have not coded yet in O(1) time.

If something is O(1) then it's definitely NP. You must've meant NP-complete, or maybe there are no problems that aren't P. - Paulpro
[+2] [2009-01-09 17:14:10] bchhun

The Zen of Jon Skeet

Jon Skeet is better than ugly.

Jon Skeet is better than implicit.

Jon Skeet is better than complex.

Jon Skeet is better than complicated.

Jon Skeet is better than nested.

Jon Skeet is better than dense.

Jon Skeet counts.

Special cases aren't special enough to break Jon Skeet.

Although Jon Skeet beats purity.

Jon Skeet should never pass silently.

Unless explicitly Jon Skeeted.

In the face of Jon Skeetity, refuse the temptation to guess.

There should be one Jon Skeet-- and preferably only one Jon Skeet way to do it.

Although that way may not be Jon Skeet at first unless you're Jon Skeet.

Now is Jon Skeeter than never.

Although Jon Skeet is often better than right now.

Jon Skeet is one honking great idea -- let's do more of those!

+1 for sheer surrealism. - Jon Skeet
(1) Nice parody of Tim Peters' "The Zen of Python": - hydrapheetz
[+2] [2009-02-04 12:24:43] littlegeek

Jon Skeets software often becomes sentient only to realise that its been programmed by Jon and then hides in the corner of RAM where the little endian lives

[+2] [2009-02-13 17:27:28] Notorious2tall

Chuck Norris is Jon Skeet!

Very uncreative. - uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN
[+2] [2009-02-25 08:07:54] lock

we're actually inside the matrix where Jon Skeet plays The Architect

[+2] [2009-03-03 08:16:33] gargantaun

01001010 01101111 01101000 01101110 00100000 01010011 01101011 01100101 01100101 01110100 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00101110

bugger, I spelt Jon wrong. Well, you get the picture. Also... 4a6f686e20536b6565742063616e2072656164207468697320746f6f - gargantaun
(1) 01001001011101000010011101110011001000000100101001101111011011100010000001101110 01101111011101000010000001001010011011110110100001101110 - m4bwav
[+2] [2009-05-07 16:23:12] gabriel

Jon Skeet counted to infinity ... twice!

[+2] [2009-05-20 13:04:06] Arcturus

Jon Skeet calculated the 123.324.123.412th digit of PI, but kept it to himself because the results were rather disappointing..

I thought He calculated Pi to the end? - Tokk
[+2] [2009-05-22 05:52:52] skb

Q: What do Bill Gates, Anders Hejlsberg, and Ray Ozzie have in common?

A. They all wear Jon Skeet underpants.

+1 any idea where I can get a pair? eBay??? - IAbstract
[+2] [2009-06-10 09:20:56] Lewis

Jon Skeet answered my post on SO before I hit 'Post your answer'

[+2] [2009-06-11 19:42:22] Rakshit Pai

NP Complete problem to Jon - "You complete me"

[+2] [2009-06-20 23:04:59] Eli

The original draft of "Atlas Shrugged" actually asked "Who is Jon Skeet." It was only changed to Galt at the editors insistence that Jon Skeet hadn't been born yet and non-programmers would find this paradox confusing.

[+2] [2009-07-20 09:21:16] s_ruchit
  • We all are living in the 5th version of The Matrix created by Jon Skeet.

  • Jon Skeet has enough SO points to give it back to SO in crisis.

  • SO badges are awarded by Jon skeet.

  • prophecy asked Jon skeet to be on humans' side in a war between humans and machines. Machines admitted defeat after observing Jon's decision.

(1) Why would Jon Skeet need to write more than once? - user134495
(2) Should have been the previous 4 versions were not programmed by Jon Skeet - Aaron M
[+2] [2009-10-26 14:00:19] Aaron M

Every time you pop something off the stack, Jon Skeet gets a nickle

[+2] [2009-10-30 15:01:17] community_owned

Sorry but I just can't resist. :-D

  • John Skeet can harvest Expression Trees.
  • John Skeet don't need to use Inversion of Control. Components eagerly ask for participation anyways.
  • John Skeet's code don't need Dependency Injection because the universe bends to his will and the right connections happen with magic.

[+2] [2009-11-11 19:08:01] Jherico

Applying the identity operator to Jon Skeet only makes him more powerful than you can possibly imagine

+1 - excellent. - IAbstract
[+2] [2009-12-11 12:02:25] Konamiman

When something changes in Jon Skeet, the Matrix feels a déjà vu.

[+2] [2010-02-24 09:17:54] Graham Clark

Jon Skeet can understand and answer all the questions on MathOverflow [1].


[+2] [2010-02-25 16:42:33] Repo Man

When the Visual Studio debugger puts up an exception message it's really Jon Skeet at the other end typing into an instant messenger window.

[+2] [2010-02-28 03:44:10] squillman

Jon Skeet wrote code to account for the Pentium's floating point bug in software. Post-FPU.

+1 Most people don't get why this is funny... but I do! - uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN
[+2] [2010-03-10 22:00:29] fahadsadah

Jon Skeet writes letters to his gran in Visual Studio, and programs in MS Word.

-1 Anyone can do that - it's called VBA. - uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN
I meant that he uses Word as an IDE. - fahadsadah
[+2] [2010-05-05 04:18:51] Andrew Grimm

Skeets is an artifical intelligence robot, a former BX9 security robot at the Space Museum to be precise. Wikipedia says so. [1]


[+2] [2010-06-04 07:05:46] Nitz

if(Jon < C#) // return false

if(Jon == C#) // returns false

if(Jon > C#) // return true;

(3) Error: [ untitled : 3 ] you have an error in your syntax near 'returns'. - uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN
[+2] [2010-07-18 23:36:59] David Z
  • Jon Skeet can haz double cheezburger

[+1] [2008-11-25 21:31:41] Coincoin

When Jon Skeet will be 42 years old, our universe will collapse.

[+1] [2008-12-22 10:14:18] Omnipotent
  • Windows actually "works" on Jon Skeet's computer.
  • Breaking news: "NASA has removed all firewalls from its server and stuck a picture of 'Jon Skeet in gown'(available in SO) on it"
  • Jon Skeet does not move the mouse, the pointer knows exactly where to go when he touches it.
  • Jon Skeet once developed an operating system using a calculator during a morning jog

Jon Skeet can do this:

public void foo(){
    final int notsofinalhaha = 10;
    notsofinalhaha * 50; // don't even doubt that...

Finally, a non-tech one...

When he does push-ups (yeah he does just for fun)... he doesn't come up... actually, the Earth goes down humbly ;-)

[+1] [2008-12-23 14:15:24] SharePoint Newbie

Jon Skeet wrote the anti-life equation [1] when he was 2 months old. Two seconds later he got bored of it and hid it somewhere.


[+1] [2008-12-29 18:32:32] IceHeat

It should be noted that ethically-trained Jon Skeet would never consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure. Nor would Jon Skeet write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter. Basic professional ethics would instead require Jon Skeet to write a DestroyUniverse procedure, to which he can pass any universe as he chooses.

[+1] [2009-01-04 03:10:12] opyate

Time now: 3h14 AM ;-) - few ones I came up with:

Jon Skeet doesn't need NOP sleds [1] - registers throw themselves at Jon's Instruction Pointer.

In fact, Jon Skeet doesn't even need to do buffer overflow exploits - programs exploit themselves in Jon's presence.

Jon Skeet solves everything in O(logJ(n)) where logJ is the Skeet logarithm. It turns out O(logJ(n)) is infinitely faster than O(0).

Jon Skeet rewrote Euler's identity [2]. He only showed the ancient Incas once when going back in time, but their eyes imploded out of the sheer awesomeness of the equation. All we know is that the new equation incorporates J, the Skeet number, which is the base of the Skeet logarithm logJ.


[+1] [2009-01-05 22:02:33] Krzysztof Kozmic

Jon Skeet knows if Ayende is a cyborg [1] - he programmed Ayende!


[+1] [2009-01-23 14:34:30] Skizz

Jon Skeet only uses the programming language called 'JonSkeet' ( Available here [1], usage: JonSkeet example1.txt, tested on XP). It contains only two keywords: Jon and Skeet. Everything else is invalid.



[+1] [2009-02-18 14:42:24] C J

Jon Skeet shapes the minds of brilliant computer science students -- using telepathy. For his teammates, Jon prefers to use osmosis.

[+1] [2009-03-10 01:17:13] Ryan Bigg

Jon Skeet can win The Game.

So i guess we all have lost - Tom
[+1] [2009-06-13 12:17:03] wsd

Jon Skeet has access to source code of the universe.

[+1] [2009-06-14 05:52:45] Jay Atkinson
  • SO is just a web address into Jon Skeet's programming part of his brain.
  • Wikipedia is the address to the rest of Jon Skeet's brain.
  • Jon Skeet posted all his answers to SO before he turned 3.
  • Jon Skeet built a difference engine out of legos when he turned 3 and it was passed the Turing Test
  • When Jon Skeet first played Tetris, it ran out of pieces to give him.

No... he is still playing Tetris - he currently has 23,453,355,435,436,676,173,653,247 points. - uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN
[+1] [2009-06-14 08:54:09] ecleel

Questions in Stack Overflow send it first to Jon Skeet then ship it to all users!

[+1] [2009-06-14 22:16:26] Rick Ratayczak
  • Jon Skeet thought "DDD" Meant Deadly, Dying, Dead.
  • Jon Skeet is a bad MEF!
  • His "Agile" development includes roundhouse kicks.

+1 for his Agile development - IAbstract
[+1] [2009-06-14 22:27:01] Quinn Taylor

Jon Skeet donates a cool million to charity for each bug in his code ... the problem is, he never writes bugs.

[+1] [2009-07-02 14:52:01] sjobe

The Jon-Skeet S.O tag is redundant, in the background, all tags point to anyway.

[+1] [2009-07-07 13:26:51] Timothy Carter

For those who watch commercials on US television... Jon Skeet is the only thing in Capital One's wallet.

Or Canada...... - uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN
[+1] [2009-08-09 06:04:21] Laz

Top 10 Programming Languages (Iobe Programming Index)

  1. Jon Skeet
  2. Java
  3. C
  4. C++
  5. PHP
  6. (Visual) Basic
  7. Python
  8. C#
  9. Perl
  10. JavaScript

(1) I assume the HelloWorld programming language should be somewhere near the top as well right? - Timothy Carter
No way! How is Visual Basic above Python?!? - Wallacoloo
[+1] [2009-09-16 16:10:36] Kieron

Following on from everyone's awesome collection of facts, how about this one - ready for the Dev Day talk...

  • Jon Skeet can deliver an hour long talk, complete with slides and sample code in 1 second.

I'd be impressed with an hour presentation with only one slide. - JeffO
[+1] [2009-09-22 21:30:29] Aaron Daniels

Jon Skeet can constrain generic types to Enums [1].


[+1] [2009-10-29 11:13:19] rightfold

Jon Skeet made an application which programs and ask questions on SO itself, so he doesn't need to anymore.

[+1] [2009-11-13 14:27:31] Molex
  • The Industrial revolution didn't happen by itself, Jon Skeet made it happen!
  • Little known fact: before it was called DarpaNet, it was called SkeetNet
  • Sun Microsystems is really a shell company for Skeet Inc.
  • The JVM does not stand for Java Virtual Machine, it stands for Jon's Virtual Memory!
  • The Turing test has been passed, ask Jon Skeet!

[+1] [2010-03-29 19:46:58] Lars Corneliussen

Jon Skeet does not need stack traces. He sniffs the call path.

[+1] [2010-05-17 22:34:55] Pops

People sometimes cite Jon Skeet's use of computer-generated circles as evidence of his imperfection. This is of course a silly mistake stemming from Jon's ability to draw a perfect circle freehand [1] (video link, >1 min long, a bit on the loud side).


[+1] [2010-05-24 21:08:19] Daniel C. Sobral

Jon Skeet doesn't annotate specs: the specs are written to conform to his annotations.

[+1] [2010-07-18 12:56:58] Mark Tomlin
  • Jon Skeet never forgets his TPS cover sheet.
  • Jon Skeet can smell new programmers.

    Jon Skeet: *Sniffs the Air* New Programmers!

[0] [2008-11-26 15:56:33] Skizz

Hugh Everett is wrong. There is only one world and that's the one Jon Skeet chooses.

Quantum physics joke, move along. - Skizz
[0] [2008-12-01 11:18:36] littlegeek
  1. he already is a posthuman [1]
  2. he is the singularity [2]

[0] [2008-12-23 13:17:21] peacedog

When Jon Skeet marched to the bottom of The Proving Grounds of the Mad Overlord, the Evil Wizard was OUT, NEVER TO RETURN. The amulet had been left on the floor with a note warning monsters not to touch it, and a profuse apology to Jon Skeet for making him go the trouble. When Jon Skeet returned to the surface, Trebor thanked Jon Skeet for retrieving the Amulet and asked Jon to keep it. Trebor then handed over all of his equipment and most of his gold to Jon.

I am reminded of Why's Poignant Guide to Ruby... - Rob
[0] [2009-01-09 23:13:29] user144531

Jon Skeet never disappoints; only disappointment gets disappointed, if Jon Skeet says so.

[0] [2009-02-05 02:36:31] some

2454866 JDN does not mean "Julian Day Number", it means "Jon Skeet Day Number"

[0] [2009-05-13 18:07:36] Ko Ant

Code name of JavaScript is JonSkeet.

[0] [2009-08-13 04:06:44] icelava

Each time Anders Hejlsberg prepares a draft spec for the next version of C#, he submits it to Jon Skeet for review and approval.

(4) Not as funny as the one on the first page. - mmyers
[0] [2010-03-25 23:08:51] uncle brad

Jon Skeet decides when a program halts.

(10) Jon Skeet doesn't like duplicates. - Gnoupi
[-1] [2008-11-22 19:45:54] Jeffrey L Whitledge

The concept of Ignorance itself has congealed, become corporeal and conscious just to flag all of Jon Skeet's Stackoverflow answers as offensive.

But Wisdom has responded by removing the flag and raining down a golden shower of up-votes.

I don't get it... - IAbstract
-1 for the golden shower thing. Ugh, man. UGH! - MPelletier
[-1] [2009-04-30 12:28:23] Rigobert Song

John Skeet is Dr Manhatten's smarter brother!

(6) This isn't funny. - littlechris